although i’m not old enough, i have a grandson – angus scott

after fifteen years, yesterday i finally got my black belt. some people do in four but apparently i am a slow learner. that and the fact that i took a break for ten years. i had been only a few months from my black belt exam when my life fell apart. soon after i rebroke my knee and because of the state of mind i was in didn’t think i could come back. so for ten years i avoided people i knew at sun hang do and lived with regret. getting a black belt was something i had dreamed of since i was 9 or 10 years old. a dream that had died.

about seventeen months, however, i ran into an old friend and martial arts master, Dave Kinney, who encouraged me to try again. coming back was difficult, humiliating, and more physically demanding than i would have believed. but i am a stubborn person…

yesterday morning, fighting off two weeks of pneumonia or mono or whatever it has been, i showed up for the infamous black belt test. as the eight hour test was about to start, Dave’s brother, and another amazing guy, Brian Kinney came up to me and said he wanted to help me have a good day. he opened his wallet and produced a business card with a dime taped to it – a memento of a talk i had given during another black belt test twelve years ago. a memento that he has kept in his wallet all these years.

sometimes it’s easy to wonder if you make a difference. the martial art i take part in is dedicated to changing the world. yesterday morning brian reminded me that anyone, even me, can make a difference.
brian is the third member of sun hang do that has told me he still had his dime, and the only one to produce it. thanks brian, i needed that.

here’s the story i used, not my own, so many years ago. after telling it i handed out a business card with the dime taped to it, the logo of sun hang do, and the words, “we believe in you.”

In 1965 the quarterback for the Green Bay Packers was a guy named Bart Starr. He was a great football player but more importantly, he was a great dad.
He had a son, his namesake, Bart Jr. Everytime Bart Jr. brought home a paper from school with good marks, or did well in life his dad would write him a note that said something like, “Son, I really believe in you. I’m proud of what you’re doing. Keep going, I love you, Dad.”
And then he’d take the dime and scotch tape it on a piece of paper. That dime to his son began to be a symbol to him of his dad really believing in him.

When you feel like you are losing and no one cares. When you wonder if you can make it; remember this night, find the dime….

In 2002 I was a single parent, hurting, lonely, visiting Winnipeg, the city of my childhood. alone.

I was at a conference downtown but felt a nostalgic need to drive for an hour in traffic to go back and remember. So there I was, driving down a road I had walked hundreds of times, decades ago. I had never been back. It was the time, elementary school, when everything was possible and I knew I was going to be significant.
Now years later, looking back on a shattered life and broken dreams, I drove back in time – Voyageur Elementary School.

It was much as I had remembered it, only a lot smaller. I remembered it as a happy place, a loud adventure full of girls and bullies and games and sports. But now, so many years later, I was back walking down empty hallways and bad preteen crayon art. I wasn’t sure why I was there but for some reason was drawn down those hallways, looking like a middle aged creeper with too much time on his hands.

As I passed the trophy case I was struck by it’s emptiness. Someone had obviously been cleaning out the old pictures, painting and rearranging.

Even today I often wonder if it really happened and still do not completely understand it’s meaning, if there even is one.
You might be able to guess what was in that window, it unfolded like a movie – There was only one photo in that display case that day – yellowed by age, bad haircuts and knobby knees. There I was, grade six volleyball team. Only one picture in that case, twenty or more years later. Why? It was a one in a million, a ridiculous proposition, a hollywood story.

I still don’t know why, or even if there is a why. I only know I was feeling alone one day, insignificant and small. And in the midst of that insecurity there was a gift, a single moment out of time and a reminder that I mattered. hundreds of teams, dozens of years, an old picture that could not fit in a small display case needed by this years teams. A ten foot picture frame with only one picture… Why mine?

The U.S. has spent $1.3 trillion on the war on terror so far. That was in reaction to about 14,000 total deaths from international terrorism from 1975 to 2003. That’s more than $90 million spent for each person killed.
If you point out that this money would have been better spent preventing industrial accidents (which kill twice as many people per year than died in the World Trade Center) or, even better, curing cancer (the equivalent of about 200 WTC attacks each year), you’ll be told, “Say that to the 9/11 victims, hippie!”

Read more: 5 Logical Fallacies That Make You Wrong More Than You Think | Cracked.com

god i feel old. my 21 year old got married this past weekend.

many of us are just hearing about the spreading protests focusing on out of control capitalism in the states. Adbusters originally called for a takeover of wall street back in july to commence a couple of weeks ago. unlike other recent protests (there was a one day protest of wall street last spring which no one remembers) this one is gaining in momentum and spreading across north america. similar protests are being planned for vancouver and toronto.
apparently some people are upset, among other things, about the new tax breaks for millionaires which coincidentally work out to about the same amount per week as you can earn on EI in canada.

last year one of my closest friends died from a single hit of ghb. this weekend my next door neighbours grandson overdosed and died from drug use. i work as an addictions counsellor. imagine the guilt.
every week i hear the morons talk about legalizing drugs so we can monitor it so things like this won’t happen. idiots. i hear almost daily that cannabis has no ill effects. really? try working in the industry for a few months and watch the train wreck of lost ambitions, motivations, opportunities, school drop-outs and paranoia that daily stumble into my office.

try telling my next door neighbour that drugs aren’t so bad. try telling my buddies son.

although I do not agree with the entire scope of this editorial it does make several valid points. For example – it alleges that the fundamental skills needed for the ‘real’ world are not addressed in formal post-secondary education. After 7+ years of such schooling I can attest to this fact.

article from the New York Times

many people know that i have a group on trauma/ptsd (next one starting june 16) that has been helpful for those suffering with ptsd. the group is a mix of therapeutic styles and options including work with journalling, cognitive distortions, STOPP therapy, automatic thought regulation, exposure, catatrophizing, flashbacks, etc. Now they are hopeful that a new medical treatment can relieve some of the symptomatology.

A new study led by researchers at the Centre for Studies on Human Stress, affiliated with the University of Montreal, shows that in fact, metyrapone, a drug that temporarily alters cortisol levels can be used to dampen an old, negative memory for days and possibly the long term.
“It gives us a second chance, basically, to act on the memory,” said Marie-France Marin, lead author of the study published in the Journal of Clinical Endocrinology and Metabolism.
That makes it potentially very useful, because most memories that cause problems are older rather than newly formed.
“Soldiers, for example, or rape victims, are not going to go to the emergency room within an hour, obviously,” Marin said Thursday.
She added that many people who experience traumatic events don’t necessarily go on to develop post-traumatic stress disorder, and the fact that the drug works long after the memory was formed means it can be selectively given to people who have suffered long-term effects from a traumatic experience.

What is PTSD?
Post-traumatic stress disorder is the constellation of symptoms such as depression, flashbacks and nightmares that can be brought on by any type of trauma.
It’s most often associated with military service, among soldiers who return from battle only to suffer the after-effects of what was once called “shell shock.” (also childhood abuse, sexual abuse, witnessing an accident, emotional trauma, death of dear ones, etc.)
Psychotherapy may be an effective treatment. Drugs such as antidepressants, antipsychotics, anticonvulsants and beta blockers may also help with some of the symptoms.