sorry for the lack of blogging. i'm visioning a new blogger series soon to be out.
on another note i got a steroid injection this morning so i'm feeling very very buff. i'm mourning the fact that i can't be in the olympics if they drug test, however. another dream dead.

went and saw campolo tonight with son nate and a few friends. small room, front row.

campolo tells the story about how once, while in Zimbabwe, he drove behind a small truck entrusted with picking up the bodies of homeless children who had died during the night from malnutrition and related diseases. he described following them to the local garbage dump, watching as they poured gasoline over the little corpses, a witness to the world's most ignored burned in flames.

no child should have to die like that.

we have been approached (the club - our pseudo church of 20 or 30 young people and a few adults) about helping an orphanage in haiti, the poorest country in the western world. 30 children in 3 rooms, 1 meal of beans and rice a day.

how can we turn our backs?

one of my few heroes, Dr. King, is celebrated tomorrow as we remember the 40th anniversary of his assassination.

i watched a 3 hour documentary tonight with my 10 year old and 20 year old.

an incredible man, making an incredible difference.

one person can change the world.

i recognize some old demons this week.

i am in the process of being laid off of a job and as can be expected it has given rise to a great deal of emotion. not mine, in particular, though i certainly feel it's effects. the insecurity bred in others has spawned anger and fear with all the subsequent stress and unneeded dialogue.

i have been frustrated by my inability to help management understand the plight of the front line worker. corporations have a tendancy to 'circle the wagons' and there is damage control to be done. but what bothers me the most is that i see myself in their position. i have been in that chair before. i realize how easy it is to deflect and defend.

i have known people who, when i have fallen off the tracks, have tried to nudge me back to health or reality. it is my shame to admit that sometimes i simply dismissed them as idiots or as people who clearly did not understand the issues. i was quick to deflect blame and, like those i am dealing with this week, guilty of passive-aggressively manipulating people. i have had conversations with others who wanted to help, but i interpreted their zeal as missplaced or mistaken.

people love to play the victim, or believe that no one understands where we are coming from. like you, i have been guilty of defending myself way too often, of living with the need to win at all cost. it is the nature of my personality to be combatative, and i like to win.

at the end of my life i will probably be convicted as much for the things i did not do as the things i have actually done. there are still rumors out there regarding my motivations or actions. some of the things people believe are physically impossible, others highly unlikely... a few probably completely accurate. from time to time i have tried to defend myself against my critics at all costs, often hurting people instead of mending a wound. i have also 'circled the wagons' and gone into defensive mode... it is probably the nature of humanity.

covey writes, "seek first to understand, and then to be understood". it is a principle i have oft quoted but not always followed. this week a few names come to mind. it's hard to practice what i preach.

kids are different than when i grew up. back in the day (i believe it was a wednesday) teens basically listened to one kind of music - rock. there was styx and boston and metallica and even the eagles. we were mono-musical. todays teens are polygamists (ok, is that the right word??). they listen to bocelli and rise against, jack johnson and thrice and millions in between. they are more musically mature than we once were, maybe are now.

at the club we do a version of worship. someone emailed me today to ask what kind of music we play - not an easy answer to give. perhaps the only accurate response would be 'loud'. we only use acoustic guitars when zac makes us do a jack johnson song. we don't do matt redman although if that's your thing than mazltoff.

right now we are working on some new tunes. we have just introduced "come all you weary" by thrice and are working on another, louder thrice song called "image of the invisible". i would like to do marley's classic "no woman, no cry". ben and i recently wrote a song. zac has a john mayer song he insists we learn. i'm working through that...

we don't do wow 2008 music because as far as i know, no one in our band listens to contemporary christian music. we don't do hymns because practically no one has a religious heritage to draw upon. i guess what i'm saying is that our music is contextualized to our experience. it's not an issue of spirituality, it's an issue of relevance. there are rich heritages that we will miss and great songs of the faith we will know; but then again we might discover new expressions that others will not. the issue to me is not the music, it's one of the heart.

but i'm still working through the john mayer thing...

I went to real church this last Sunday. I had a good time. The people were incredible. Some time ago the pastor’s wife had asked if I could bring my band to do morning “worship”. I explained to her that we don’t really do “worship” but that if she could tolerate us, we would try to do something as appropriate as possible. Basically we had to use almost every Christian song we knew, but things went well. Even emo Ben said that he had a “better time than he thought he would”. We were loud and I’m not much of a singer, but I scream a lot and we have buckets of passion. And my band is tight. It felt good to help out.

They asked us back on a regular basis but I’m having the hardest time imagining getting up for Sunday morning church anymore. Clearly I have backslidden long enough that the idea of getting up every Sunday seems foreign to me. It’s my only day off, a day for family and Annette and yard work.

My baby turned 18 on Saturday. As usual he did not want us to make a fuss about it, so I honored his wishes. He didn’t even want a gift but has spent every waking moment playing with the video nano we bought him anyway. He’s gracious that way. Ben is quiet and passionate, and I’m incredibly proud of him. I don’t spend as much time as I’d like with him, but he likes to do his own thing. Ben is the guy who every girl loves, but for different reasons than this gregarious brother. Ben is a friend to the lowly, the quiet, the awkward. He is the type of leader that will always back down in the face of a more powerful voice, though his voice is undoubtedly better. He has a passion for music and people, a quiet maturity that far surpasses anything I have learned.

From time to time people comment on how well my boys have turned out. It is as if they are surprised that someone with my temperament could do so well, especially as a single parent all these years. I am sometimes surprised as well. All I have ever had to offer my kids was unconditional love. That and the fact that I absolutely love hanging out with them, mainly because they are far better looking than I have ever been. They are my heroes.

I’m into my last week of work for Abbotsford Community Services and the nature of the layoff has caused some fur to fly. That’s all I have to say about that. Time for a new adventure.

the wall street journal writes a scathing condemnation of church discipline.

it has been hard for churches to address the moral decline and oftimes blatant belligerence of certain adherents. there have been times when congregations i have known have chosen to shun past members, believing it to be a biblical recourse. usually that belief is founded on a few bible verses in the new testament, applied too liberally, and used as a weapon. shunners totally neglect bible passages like 2 corinthians 2. believing that the person is unrepentent, they feel they have to take such drastic action.
the problem is that most people i have known who are shunned are very tender and teachable. there are few people who have gone through this mess who are not hurt and left wondering why. they were never really listened to or involved in a loving process. those in charge decided in some dark hallway to exercise discipline, usually through some incredibly passive-aggressive process that didn't ask for or engage in any real dialogue. i know personally what it feels to be shunned by well intentioned christians who believe i am beyond redemption. it always surprises me that they think they know what goes on my my heart, much less my actions.
it's a slippery slope and i for one do not know what is in the heart of hurting people enough to assume they are beyond repair.
i'm sure there is a bible verse in there somewhere...