Tony Campolo tells a story about how he challenged his students by asking them, �how long have you been alive?� They responded by reciting their birthdays, almost without thinking. Then he turned to them and asked again, �how long have you really been alive?� and went on to tell of a time that as a child, he stood on the empire state building and for a few brief moments, as the wind whipped his hair and the panorama overwhelmed him, felt fully alive. Then he turned to his students again and said, �now, how long have you been alive?�
Some years ago I went skydiving with my friends Fergus and Wendy in Fort McMurray, Canada during an impending rain storm. It was one of those days when you could see the vistas of the horizon and watch the heavy grey clouds roll in like a blanket. It was undoubtedly not a pristine skydiving opportunity but we were anxious to get in a jump, despite our best interests. As we rose to meet the sky the clouds extended over us like
A cotton canopy. We levelled out at approximately 6500 feet and flew just under the chouds. I was able to stand outside the door, hold on and wipe my hands through the fluffy billows, splaying them behind me. For that moment, I was truly alive.

I remember vividly the day I sat with Marianne in the pre-op ward awaiting her first cancer surgery. As I sat on her bed, our hands clasped together, we began to share in an intimate few minutes of mutual love and joy. We reflected on our lives, the fun and happy times, the pain and the sorrows of what we were experiencing. I confessed to her my fear, and she to me. We laughed and cried, kissed and hugged, wishing this moment would go on for eternity. For that moment, I was truly alive.
I once heard it said that if I had my life to live over again I�d live more moments. Just time after time of nothing but moments. Too much of my time has been spend in dismal boredom, fleeting days of just living but not being truly alive.

recently my family and I were listening to a grad address as a mother was describing how the growth and welfare of the grad is most influenced by their home environment and how they get their values � how important their parents influence upon them was � how crucial the parents are to their child�s success (and at this point, my son Nathan turns to me, takes a hard look at me and says, with a totally straight face,��
I�M SCREWED�)

They say you can trace a lot of things back to your childhood. If this is true then it explains a lot in my case. One of my earliest memories is of when, at approximately the age of three or 4, I hung myself in my backyard.

We lived in a typical suburban neighborhood where blue collar workers dream of long weekends and tall cocktails. Our backyard buttressed onto a virtual forest, replete with red fencing and the quintessential bbq pit. There was also a square clothes line, the kind where someone has dropped 6 inches of concrete into the grass and rammed in a pole and enough line for 2.4 kids.

Being three years old I must have been distressed by the external political strife in third world settings and the impending sociological ramifications of conservative policies. Or maybe I was pissed because my sister laughed at my huggies. The exact details fail me now but suffice to say I pulled up a stool, crossed the wires, inserted my head and kicked away the floor. My sister walked out a minute or two later, and seeing my dilemma, ran in to my parents yelling, �mommy, daddy, scott hung himself and I think he messed his huggies! I�m beginning to think I had a troubled childhood.

By the time a couple of years later I threw a lit match into a 5 gallon gas can to see if it was empty, I think it was beginning to dawn on my parents that their newly bald son sporting no eyebrows and lashes, had a few issues.

I was always good at school though I bored easily. I remember spending most of grade 4 in the hall. I�m pretty sure the teacher was jealous of my eye lashes. When I found out I had the same teacher again in grade six, I wanted to die.

Here is an actual quote from my grade three report card, �although scott does well academically he thinks he can run the class and frankly I am getting sick of it.� A great leader in the making. People pleaser all the way�.

Christian Contrarian
Stanley Hauerwas argues that many Christians aren't actually following the teachings of Jesus

from wendy cooper's blog. here is a webcam chicken that you can make do cool and questionable things!

there is also a cool interview with her on jordon's blog. i am so happy. i was there for her most embarrassing moment!

"QUEBEC -- Prostitution involving consenting adults needs to be decriminalized in Canada to end the growing violence and repression against prostitutes, according to a report by a Quebec government advisory body."

it's the solution for the postmodern age. don't prosecute the prostitute, legalize the action. don't jail the drug addict, legalize so that you can also tax him or her. make divorce so easy a monkey could fill out the form, blame the school if your child has problems, deal with the rights of the vocal mother and not the silent fetus, medicate the kid who has an actual personality. legalize everything eventually.

heck why not sell drugs in school vending machines and handguns at 7-11?

Some time ago my family was rockclimbing just south of the border. We were having a great time when a teenager and his girlfriend stopped to watch and make conversation. As they stood and watched my eleven year old attack the rock face the guy began commenting loudly as to Nathan�s performance, skill and faults. He started critiquing everything; criticizing my son while at the same time bragging about his rockclimbing prowess. He faulted my kid for using a harness and rope (only beginners needed the security of a rope). He explained in great detail how my child was taking the easy route whereas he would only go up the hardest possible course. This went on for some time until I turned to him and said, �I hear you doing a lot of talking, how about doing some climbing?�

Suddenly I was barraged with a steady stream of excuses. He didn�t want to get sweaty; he hadn�t brought the proper footwear; he wasn�t sure he had the time; blaah, blaah, blaah� Being the compassionate, mature person that I am, I turned to him and said, �What�s the matter, you chicken?�

You can look like the greatest climber in the world, own the best equipment, have an expert harness and shoes, but until you get your butt off the ground you�re just a spectator.

Many people have that approach to life. Sam Malone (from the sitcom Cheers) summed it up for us when he said, �Its not whether you win or lose, its how good you look while you�re doing it.� It�s all about appearances. It�s all about looking good, smelling good and acting good. It�s not whether you win or lose� it�s how you play the game.
something wrong with that...

Consider a new business that has been quite successful that is built on the same idea. It�s called ATMitation and was founded by Richard Halpern at PullMyFinger.com. Here�s the product: men are always struggling to come up with new ways to make themselves attractive to women. Often, a man may meet a women in a social setting of some kind and at the end of the conversation desire to share his phone number or some other message.
He scrambles into his pockets to come up with any scrap of paper on which to write, and just by chance, he happens to have an old ATM receipt. He scribbles the note or number on the back of it - hands it to her - and off he goes. What the woman will eventually find on the front side of the receipt is the man�s name - an account number - and a bank balance of $314,232.26! Does the man have that much money? Of course not! But that�s where ATMitation comes in! For only $3.99, you can get a pack of 24 personalized ATM receipts with your name and the balance of your choice (I guess for some men, even $300,000 is not enough to make them attractive!), all of which is sure to make the woman of your dreams call you back

well, had to put down my little buddy at lunch today. i turned into a sappy marshmallow who needed assurances as to his comfort and schedule. as i reflect it seems apparent that the little mutt grew on our hearts so profoundly because he was always delicate, always a puppy, always needed nurturing. we have not been fans of little dogs, and chainy was tiny. he soon, however, had three redneck boys wrapped around his paw and brought out our maternal instincts (ya i know that's a gender oxymoron and quit calling me a moron!).

i had a close friend in denver who committed suicide, named jamie. he killed himself at youth bible camp, hanging himself from the rafters. as his youth pastor and family friend we took it hard; especially since we had just moved away and could not be there. a year or two later we hooked up with his family and watched the video of his funeral. i wept openly. it meant alot to the family that we cared enough to hurt with them.

the reason for the story is that jamie was a closed off kid... until they bought a cat. i am not a cat person generally but came to appreciate that little ball of fur as i watched it invade jamie's heart and bring out his own maternal instincts. that cat was able to do what no human could. it was cool to watch and learn. i don't know but i imagine that cat was in his mind that day he took his own life. sometimes even the foolish love of an animal can infiltrate and nurture in ways we can't even consciously understand.

i hurt for my kids today. we have had several dogs leave them in the past three difficult years. they have been tortured by parental leaving (not writing as a judgment call, just as an event). they are teenagers who struggle to express and understand their feelings. they are wonderful, sensitive and kind boys who should not even have to say goodbye to a pet, let alone things greater. please pray for them today, i know the dog seems trite to some but i'm not sure they are able to be totally objective. me neither.

maybe we'll watch kill bill...

i get lots of requests from people to design their website or launch their blog. i pretty much suck at it but jordon has a company that is reasonable and creative.

wow, some great feedback to my rant on my friend being accused of sexual abuse. check out the comments people made below.

Tony Campolo, tells about a friend of his who made a career change. He says, "Some years ago, a friend of mine went to teach English literature at a state college. He was there for three weeks when he went into the dean's office to say that he was quitting.
"I'm not coming back next week, and I thought you ought to know," he said. The dean replied, "If you walk out on your contract, you're not going to teach here again. What's more, you won't teach anywhere, if I can help it."
Campolo goes on with the story, saying: After my friend left his job, his mother contacted me by phone and said I had to see him. She was sure he had gone crazy and hoped I could talk him into going back to his job.
I found my friend Charlie living in an attic apartment in Hamilton Square, New Jersey. I must admit that his apartment had a certain style: travel posters all over the walls, a good assortment ofbooks scattered around the room, and the stereo playing a Wagnerian opera. I sat down in a beanbag chair that swallowed me up. After we exchanged niceties, I came to the point.
'What have you done?" I asked.
"I quit," said Charlie. "I walked out. I don't want to teach anymore. Every time I walked into that classroom, I died a little bit."
Campolo says: I could understand him. I'm a teacher, and I know what it's like to go into a class and pour out your heart to students, to let every nerve inside you tingle with the excitement ofyour most profound insights. I know what it's like to passionately share the struggles of your existence, to lay your soul bare in an attempt to communicate your deepest feelings. Then, when it's all over, some student in the back ofthe room raises his hand and says, "Do we have to know this stuff for the final?" (We have some teachers here who know that feeling! I'm sure Jesus must have experienced that plenty when He was teaching!)
Anyway, Campolo goes on, saying: It wasn't long before I realized that Charlie was not about to go back into the classroom, so I asked him what he was doing with himself these days. He said, "l'm a mailman."
Reaching back into the value system provided by the Protestant work ethic, I said to him, "Charlie, if you're going to be a mailman, be the best mailman in the world!"
He said, "But I'm a lonely mailman. Everybody else who delivers mail gets back to the post office by about two o'clock. I never get back until six."
"What takes you so long?"
"I visit," said Charlie. "You'd never believe how many lonely people there are on my route who had never been visited until I became a mailman. What's more, now I can't sleep at night."
"Why can't you sleep at night?"
Charlie cried, "Have you ever tried to sleep after drinking fifteen cups of coffee?"
Campolo says: As I sat and looked at my friend Charlie, I envied him. He was alive with the excitement that comes to a person doing something meaningful with his life. Because he moved from being a college professor to being a mailman, he has lost status. But what difference does that make? As Charlie invests himself significantly in the lives of other people, his is finding fulfillment in, as Scripture says in James 1:27, 'visiting orphans and widows in their distress."
Is he a role model? Let�s be honest� no way. Ya like all our mom�s are telling their kids � you know, you should quit school and become a mailman� no way, it�s a great story but we want our kids to emulate rich successful people. Every mom wants their kid to be a doctor right?
Here�s a question no one ever asks� why? Why the heck do they want their kid to be a doctor� to help people? That�s the standard answer but its crap. Tons of people help others more than doctors for a lot better reasons... and a lot less money.
It�s security, wealth, status� a lot of reasons.
When we think of role models who do you think of? Tiger Woods/Gretsky/ lady Di?
There is something wrong with a world that has to look to television to find role models/ or professional sports/ or royalty. It�s all wacked.

I find it interesting that so many of us buy into a cultural ideal of success without even questioning why. we succumb to this subtle warping of our minds till we are unable to see the world for what it is. Martin Buber said that there are really two worlds at work in our minds - the phenomenal and the numenal. The world that we perceive and the way that actually is.

i wonder if our radar gets so stunted by cultural morays that we become what we hate. we read the great works of religion and literature, hear the fabulous stories of warriors of long ago and wish we could emulate them... then settle for the thursday special at McDonalds. It's not that i have a problem with McDonalds (except as a food source), it's just that i know in my own life i want to take the path or least resistence, the "no pain great gain" option. I constantly get sucked into the world's molds of success and happiness, then wonder why I am neither...

i find it still alarming how many people do not use virus and add blocking software. there are tons out there but you have to use them to get the benefit!

if you want to stop unwanted ads from violating your system, ad-aware is a good place to start. you need to update and run it regularly! they have a free option.

i use ad-aware, spybot, norton virus and systemworks, panda virus (online test), popup stopper and spam killer everyday almost. not to mention cybersitter 2003 for my porn filter. ok i'm anal but i end up fixing all my friends computers when they don't run some of the above!

we're having a cool first nations day on may 29 in mission, bc. here's the ad (for more info on first nations gatherings in kamloops, visit dave kneeshaws site, and in our area check out brander's site.

Dear Friends,
Tansi... we are excited about inviting all who love Jesus to celebrate with us a First Nations Christian Gathering called the Gathering of Encouragement for a Potluck and Sharing time on Saturday May 29th at the Heritage Park High School gymnasium in Mission BC Canada from 12-6 pm. This is a potluck (not potlatch) so everyone has a chance to bring something to share. Also there will be an open mic for drumming, singing, guitarists and contemporary songs, elders speaking, prayer, give always and whatever God directs us and mainly to encourage others about their own journey in the Jesus Way. Its will be a time where everyone can meet and network with other native believers and find a sense of community.
We have no intention of building a church from this gathering but only see it as a way for Aboriginal Christians to be comfortable to share their stories with others to encourage a better walk in the Creator Redeemer.
Please pray in thanks that God is gathering his marvelous First Nations people together, not just in this gathering but all over the world.
This is a wonderful opportunity to meet new people and see old faces and find out if we are really all related in one way or another. It should be great fun. Expecting to see your face their. Come expecting to share what God has for us from you.
Please call Pastors Scott Williams or Susan Phillips at 604 820 4402 or 604 820 0892 or email them at flokrok@telus.net. You can email me here of phone me at home at 604 820 3906.

Love in Him our One and Only,
Respectfully with Honor,

Brander McDonald

day to day with our puppy now. his congestive heart failure has advanced and the x-rays look horrible. i am triple dosing his medications but the day of his demise is only days away. that sucks. cutest and weirdest puppy in the world, 7 months old and a part of our family. i'm not looking forward to the inevitable.

driving home from surrey today i heard 6 times on three different radio stations that a friend of mine is charged with 3 counts of sexual abuse of a teenager. we are more than just casual aquaintances, having travelled to the states together and talked on several occasions. it hurt and shocked me to hear his name repeated over and over on the public news channels, and scared me not just a little.

for years i have maintained that many of us in leadership are only one rumor or allegation away from total humiliation and unemployment. it hurts to see a brother and friend put through this dilemna which will undoubtedly scar him for life regardless of his innocence or guilt. i am frustrated that a system that maintains "innocence until proven guilty" allows the character assassination and trial by media. what if he is innocent? will he ever recover his reputation for honesty and integrity? i highly doubt it. they won't have cameras and reporters there to record his vindication. in many minds he will always be considered a pervert.

if he is guilty, i'm afraid i've seen too much to consider him a scumbag. i love what tony campolo once said regarding the indictment of Jim Baker. he said, 'the only difference between jim and me is that jim got caught'. he was not admitting to having had a sexual affair, he was hinting that all of us are guilty of immorality and sin and therefore deserve condemnation.

it's hard to make platitudes and play the redneck when it is someone you care about. there is no faceless preditor, just a guy i like and know a bit about his heart. i pray for him today that he will be protected from the sickness of society and the media, that good friends will remind him he still have value in God's eyes. innocent until proven guilty. but even beyond that, what would jesus say to a convicted predator? i find it hard to believe he would spit on him or beat him up in a back alley.

"More Porn Productions Shut Down After HIV Scare
More adult movie producers in Los Angeles have joined a voluntary moratorium to shut down production after two performers tested positive for the virus that causes AIDS.
About a dozen porn production companies have halted shooting until at least June 8. Two companies said they were halting work indefinitely."

what a loss to the economy... not.

"First they told of their passionate encounters with soccer superstar David Beckham.

Now Rebecca Loos and Sarah Marbeck are reaping the financial reward. If reports in London yesterday are to be believed, Spain's Ms Loos stands to earn more than $2 million from her sensational claims of an affair with the England soccer captain."

it's becoming epidemic. legitimate and bogus claims of infedelity are everywhere. i have often said that those of us in leadership roles are only one bad rumor from selling cars. when are people going to wake up to the fact that our personal lives are the fulcrum on which all of our goals and aspirations are weighed?

so tonight we had kind of a ambient prayer meeting at the office/studio and we opened it up for verbalized prayers. i love people who are honest with God and have little religious background. one of these people was praying and she kind of lost her way in the prayer and stumbled over what she wanted to say. during a moment of frustration she was saying to God something blaah blaah and then stopped and in prayer said, "oh shit, what i mean to say is..." it was very real and raw and i almost split a gut listening to her prayer... weird and yet spiritual, all at once.

someone asked me for the famous "40 wrestlers" story so i thot i would post it to them and do it here in case someone else would like to hear it...


The sun had gone down and night was falling when the soldiers were drawn up in line to hear the imperial edict ordering all men in every place on pain of death to pour a libation before the image of the Emperor in token that they acknowledged the ancient gods of Rome.
It was a strange scene, the flaring torches, the ranks of men with set, stern faces, the officers standing near the rude altar, the ensigns of Rome fluttering in the bitter wind, and beyond these the dark and terrible lake on which, if any refused to obey, he would be sent naked to meet his death in the long winter night.
One by one the soldiers filed past the image of the Caesar and poured out the libation. But now, a soldier, young, stalward, straight, stepped out of the line and with high uplifted face said, "I owe no allegiance before that to my Master, Christ," and stood aside. The line filed past and another and another stepped out until there stood together forty soldiers, so strong, so daring in every deed of courage or feat or arms that they were called by their comrades the "Forty Famous Wrestlers".
The Roman general stood aghast, "What is this?" he cried. "Do you understand what awaits you there?" He pointed to the lake. "A dreadful death to wander there the long night through because you will not pour a few drops of wine before the image of the Caesar. You need not believe in the gods of Rome. I do not believe in them myself, but surely your Christ does not require this of you, and do you think I am going to lose my forty best soldiers for such a whim? Tomorrow at evening the ranks will form again. If you obey, well; if not - the frozen lake. Throw not your lives away."
They were young, the forty wrestlers, and life was sweet. Each heart held the thought of home, a little home mid clustering vines and olive trees where father, mother, wife and children waited for them. Life was sweet and death upon the lake was cruel and the pouring of the libation a little thing. Would the Christ care?
The short winter day was drawing to a close as the legion formed in line. Again the torches flared and the eagles of Rome looked down upon the solemn scene. No word was spoken as the soldiers filed silently past, pouring the libation. But when the first wrestler's turn came he stepped quietly out and the light upon his face was not that of the fitful torches, but the light of the other world. Taking off his helmet he laid it at the feet of the general with his sword and his spear and shield. On them he laid his cloak, his tunic, and his warm, close fitting undergarment, then turned to the lake singing in a clear, sweet voice as he went to his death: "Forty wrestlers wrestling for Thee, O Christ, Claim for Thee the victory and from Thee the crown."
The second followed and his comrades, dumb with wonder, watched him lay down the arms he had so gallantly borne, lay down his garments and his life, and go on the dark and gloomy lake of death singing, too: "Forty wrestlers wrestling for Thee, O Christ, Claim for Thee the victory and from Thee the crown."
Another and another followed till all the forty soldiers were out upon the lake and forty voices had taken up the triumph song. Slowly the night wore on and the guard in the house on the bank where warmth, clothing, food, and drink were waiting for any who might turn back, heard the song grow fainter and more faint as one by one the voices failed. At last, just at dawn, one wrestler came creeping back, but even as he lifted his hand to deny his Lord he fell lifeless. Then the guard, who could not bear that the band should be broken, took off his helmet, and laying down his shield and spear and garments, went out to join them, singing exultingly "Forty wrestlers wrestling for Thee, O Christ, Claim for Thee the victory and from Thee the crown."

wow, this is hard to believe...

S. California porn film industry struck by HIV scare

LOS ANGELES, April 16 (Xinhuanet) -- The notorious multibillion-dollar porn-film industry in southern California, United States, grounded to a halt Friday after two porn performers tested positive for the AIDS virus.


... almost seems like a reap what you sow deal...

here's a disgusting link --- ugliest wedding dresses. now i know bridesmaids dress are completely stupid but we know that is so that the bride will shine. but these chicks wouldn't shine if you put 30 million volts through them! (trivia question - which monty python sketch was that quote stolen from?).

i read this today from the albequerque herald, :"WASHINGTON - The CIA missed the big-picture significance of "tell-tale indicators" of impending terrorist attacks, partly because of its culture of a piecemeal approach to intelligence analysis, a federal panel probing the Sept. 11, 2001, attacks said today."

as i pondered the latest clap-trap it led me to draw parallels to all of our shared experience. generally speaking, we all like to deflect blame, to scapegoat, or to transfer the responsibility to others. when faced with criticism i know it is natural for me to immediately look for reasons and excuses that will take the glare of condemnation away. it is much harder to step up to the plate and accept the ramifications for our actions.

i hope i am the kind of person that can accept constructive criticism. i no longer feel as self-aware as i once did and the need for input has become more and more apparent... though i really don't like it. and the reality is, many people have many concerns about some of us and taken in their entirety, it can be overwhelming.

i guess the goal is to not be offended and be open to others concerns, but with a caveat. i have come to believe that i need to filter out the offhand remarks, the gossip, and the concerns of people who really aren't concerned. the words of a friend are important, the words of a critic are not. screw your critics but listen to your accountability partners. good theory anyway...

this morning my oldest kid came up to me and announced in an excited manner, "dad you would be so proud of me, i farted so hard i actually moved my boxer shorts!"

It's one of those intimate moments that a parent cherishes...

did this in my talk today, think i stole it from somewhere but can't remember. then repeated the "ta-da" several times and ended with "he is risen" and the audience cheered. good god moment.

A Sunday School teacher had just finished telling her third graders about how Jesus was crucified and placed in a tomb with a great stone sealing the opening. Then, wanting to share the excitement of the resurrection, she asked: "And what do you think were Jesus� first words when He came bursting out of that tomb alive?" A hand shot up into the air from the rear of the classroom. Attached to it was the arm of a little girl. Leaping out of her chair she shouted out excitedly "I know, I know!" "Good" said the teacher, "Tell us, what were Jesus first words." And Extending her arms high into the air she said: "TA-DA!"

The resurrected Lord is the central event of our faith. It�s the "TA-DA!" of Christianity.

if you wanna check out the flash james made for sunday for the costa rica team 2004, go to this link: http://costarica.goudiefamily.com.

greg did a cool thing in church today. he went up there and told the audience that growing up, on easter, they would do the responsive intro where the pastor would say, "he is risen" and the congregation would respond, "he is risen indeed". he went on to say that this was a good thing to do but didn't really feel like our church so instead everyone should cheer when he said, "he is risen". the crowd went nuts so we did it 4 or 5 times throughout the service. lots of energy today. band smoked today. lots of visuals, greg read the resurrection story in front of "the passion" vid and the band played softly in the background. several readers read stories that related to the theme. i thot it was kinda cool and meaningful. two drummers, one of which was 6 years old.

thanks to all who cooked and helped serve at UGM yesterday. there was a record turnout - 3 sittings (216 people served!).
UGM is closed every saturday and sunday so our sandwich ministry is very important to our friends downtown. for some it is the only meal they have between friday and monday. we have been committed to this outreach for two years and have made many wonderful friends downtown because of it. every other sunday nite we have street church with them at the office.
we rely totally on donations each sunday. if you would like to help us out, here is what we need each and every week in order to have enough food for everyone:
10 loaves of bread
8 tins of tuna
a large tub of margarine
2 large packs of bologna
2 large packs of sliced cheese
mayo, mustard
peanut butter, jam
cookies, fruit, goodies etc.

these items can be brought on sundays and placed on the "downtown ministries" table.
thanks.

Early in Jesus life, he chose 12 people to go with him into the future together. They were going to be his future leaders, showing and teaching people how to live and thrive in what he described as the new �kingdom of God�. In the following days they experienced things they could not possibly imagine. They were with Jesus when he healed and raised the dead, when he fed thousands of people in what they knew to be an amazing miracle. They were there the day when he walked on water. It must have been a very cool time to be alive.
But one day they heard Jesus say something that was more than mildly confusing, even irritating. �If you are going to be change the world� he told them, �then you must deny yourself, take up the cross, and follow.� How were they supposed to be leaders at the while at the same time they were told to deny their own needs and even their talents? They lived in a world where they had witnessed literally hundreds of criminals and false leaders put to death by crucifixion. They knew it to be the most heinous form of torture imaginable.
More than that they understood the finality of such an act.
Surely they could not die on a cross, suffer such humiliation and torture while at the same time advancing the holy agenda? How could they lead a revolution if they were dead? The entire proposition was inexorably insane. They had no idea that they were soon going to see their role model, at the peak of his popularity, follow that exact road to seeming ruin.
It was not until after the fact that the disciples began to put into perspective the underlying essence of Jesus� symbolism. What they could not possibly understand in it�s entirety was that to be effective in the Christ�s economy it necessitated them putting aside their personal agendas, their selfish goals and be willing to suffer humiliation, even death, to see the fruition of their leadership.

It's a hard sale, even to myself. It goes against every ounce of our selfishness and desire. It is counter-culture. I wish i could say i have done that, but let's be honest...

heard an interesting discussion this morning with a couple of canadian politicians who were devout religious people about whether or not their personal beliefs should effect their political decision-making. several thots and issues were on the table including same sex rites and abortion. they discussed whether personal convictions had a place to play in the political arena.

i have often thot that if i ran for politics i would have two platforms: "vote for me i have no pension and need the money" @ "vote for me, i don't care what you think!". do you think i could get elected? i would have to vote my conscience, seems that people would rather know what you think than have a total pussy in power. can't remember churchill asking for opinions too much.

also interesting to me is the abortion issue. for me it isn't a religious issue at all; it's a scientific and reality issue. i once knew a flaming liberal who reeked pro-choice who got pregnant. one day in the office she was talking about baby names with some friends and i walked in and grunted. she turned to me and asked what was on my mind. wrong question. i said to her in no uncertain terms, "why even name the thing, it isn't a person or a baby, it's just fetal tissue!". she was mortified. but by then i couldn't stop. "funny how when it's someone else's baby it's just tissue but when you get pregnant it magically transforms into a baby! now that is faith!"

they didn't appreciate it and i didn't care much. it's totally unscientific and brain-dead selfishness to be pro-choice. time someone pointed out the hypocracy. give your head a shake!

i heard a hilarious native comedian on CBC this saturday driving back from the airport by the name of charlie hill. check out his sound bytes.

one of my favourite bits he talks about is when he was on an airplane flying between two rednecks in the middle seat. he thought to himself, "they may have stolen my land and raped my culture but i'll be damned if they'll get my armrests!"

i have a marginally acceptable temperament. i make a horrible first impression. Too often when i have been brought in for speaking engagements or vjing the sponsor has felt obliged to �warn� the people that i am off the wall. i have spent much of my life secretly despising my own temperment. it has left me wounded.

in my marriage i often looked to my wife for emotional support. When eventually my marriage fell apart, i received a 13 page letter, 21 paragraphs, of my faults and foibles. Upon reading the letter, my counselor commented, �i wouldn�t let this person in my house.�

i am a very fallen saint who is asked every week to share with hundreds of people as their spiritual leader and pastor. For many years i felt like a hypocrite who had to pretend to be something he was not.
i�ve been trying to be real, but it�s hard. We�ve all been burned. i am told often that i am not very pastoral. i don�t act, look or dress according to the caricature of a pastor. For many years i wore this mantle like a badge of honor, secretly relishing my status as a maverick. But it is no longer something i am proud o. i have had to come to peace with my personality and not use it as an excuse any longer. it is who i am.
For years i stood up on Sundays and lied. i pretended i was something i was not. i think many of us play socially prescribed roles that we feel society, especially religious society, expects of us.
The result was that little by little i built up walls of frustration and fear. i knew that if people really knew me they would not want to have me as a friend. it was a crippling feeling.

i am wounded and chances are that you are too. For years i have tried to hide this from my friends and church, but no more. Though it pains me to admit it, i still struggle with many of the same issues, though with a bit more maturity and hopefully some level of grace.

Over the years i have come to realize that i am not alone in my feelings. Though in varying degrees, many of our leaders and front runners picture themselves as unworthy, temperamental, or marginalized. As a minister of religion i often run into these individuals selling cars or real estate. They are ordained ministers who, when pressed, admit they never �fit the mould� and eventually the pressure was too substantive. Eventually they caved to peer pressure and criticism, leaving the ministry for less accountable environs. The damage to their psyche, however, was harder to flee from. Lingering doubts about their value and future remain.

Within the church many of these individuals are relegated to the role of �youth pastors�. A little known fact is that most youth pastors have a shelf life of only 2-3 years before leaving for good. Why is this? in extensive interviews they have admitted to me that they never �fit in�, that the pressure to conform was overwhelming, and that most of their creativity was shot down by established mores and hierarchical power brokers within the church culture. They expressed a emerging frustration and heightening awareness of their own worthlessness brought on by repeated rejection and character assassination.
Unfortunately these are not isolated cases. The pressure to conform is overwhelming.

doing laundry, getting groceries, making supper, the lawn mower won't start (thankfully). most guys get to do manly stuff but my estrogen is bubbling and i think i pulled an ovary! (ya ya it's sexist...)

as the file sharing debate heats up, canada stands it's ground. we may have only 4 submarines, 3 of which are in the west edmonton mall, but don't mess with us!

from the boston globe - "The Canadians, who often consign the United States to the status of rogue nation, demonstrated last week that they too can thumb their noses at international law when the fancy takes them,"

...at mission secondary.

here's a great quote from my research this week --

During World War II there was an incredible man who cared. His name was Metropolitan Cyrill. He was from Bulgaria. I don't know whether you know much about Bulgaria, but it was an ally of Nazi Germany during World War II. In spite of that fact, Hitler was not able to round up a single Jew in Bulgaria, primarily because of the leaders of the church there. They stood against Hitler. They cared for their Jewish brothers and sisters and they hung tough when the time came.
This is the story. They rounded up the Jews and had them down at the train station. They were ready to load them on the trains to ship them off to Auschwitz. It was the midnight hour. Suddenly at the end of the boulevard leading to the train station, there appeared this great church leader dressed in black with a beard that came down to his waist. He stood 6"5' to start with but those Orthodox priests have miters on top of their heads so he must have looked like a giant. They said when he walked, men had to run to keep up with him because his stride was so great. Suddenly this man appeared at the end of the boulevard with about a thousand church people behind him. He strode down the boulevard, the church people marching behind him in silence in the dead of the night.
They surrounded the enclave of Jews. The SS Troopers tried to keep them out. Metropolitan Cyrill just laughed at them, pushed their guns aside, and marched among the Jews. As the Jews gathered around them, he let them know that he cared for them. He raised his hands and with one verse of scripture changed the destiny of a nation. He quoted from the Book of Ruth. He said this to the Jews as they gathered around him hysterically, ready to be shipped off to Auschwitz: "Whithersoever thou goest, I will go. Your people will be my people. Your God will be my God." This was a man of courage. This was a man who cared. Young people say they want that kind of caring. They want that kind of intensive caring in the world today.

Kathleen Norris writes:

The word �conversion� comes from the Latin for �to turn around.� Thus it denotes a change of perspective but not of essence: a change of view but not location. Any sort of change, however, can be scary, a threat. Too sudden a turn, too quick a spin, and we can�t adjust to what our eyes are telling us. We lose our balance.

Caffeinated Soap
Shower Shock is an all vegetable based glycerine soap which does *not* contain any harsh ingredients like ethanol, diethanolamine, polyethylene glycol or cocyl isethionate. So it's a gently invigorating soap ;) Scented with peppermint oil and infused with caffeine anhydrous, each bar of Shower shock contains approximately 12 servings/showers per 4 ounce bar with 200 milligrams of caffeine per serving. No, we're not kidding and no you don't eat it. The caffeine is absorbed through the skin...

Pet owners get chance for copy cats (from ABC online)
US pet owners are being offered a second lease on life for their dying cats by a firm that is offering to clone the animals for about $US 50,000 per pet.

75 large cdn for a cat? so many derogatory comments come to mind...