at our first nations gathering today i felt really privileged to be a part of something i can't really truly understand but which touched me deeply. one story that will probably stay with me for life was told to us by a haida elder - a story of residential school abuse that hits close to home.

he told us of being sexually raped and abused in residential schools by spiritual leaders who rewarded him for being raped by giving him bibles. he mentioned in passing of being told to read st. john 1:1 at the end of being violated as a "reward". i find it hard to believe, but i don't question it's truth. the native people are such a wounded group, with so much baggage; most of it from the church that promised them something more but ended up eventually destroying their young hearts and minds. undoubtedly there are many good stories or love and hope, but they are oveshadowed for me in this moment of writing. it's ok to be shocked sometimes. there really is a time to be joyful, and a time to cry.
i hurt for them as they spoke time and again of not being able to use their language, being denegrated for speaking their real names, of being manipulated and mentally tortured for being who they were told they could not be. hearing them today i pondered that it is amazing that some who shared are still here today. the shame and pain would be staggering to the imagination.
i have often thought "why should i apologize as a white person, i didn't do anything." after hearing the stories recently i don't so much feel i need to apologize for being white, i need to say i'm sorry for humanity. for inhumanity. to hurt alongside of many who were not even allowed to talk about what they endured, often shunned for honesty even from other first nations people. it is a horrible history of abuse and though i know a token gathering, a few words, can never erase such a past, i know that there must be something we can do.
at the end of our native gatherings brander always reminds us to take a look around the circle and pray for someone this week, keep them in our thoughts and think of them as they come to mind. i hope his words will not be lost on me as i jump back into busyness. thank you brander and others who are willing to open up just one more time, after being shut down so many times before. i hope i will pray for people of passion, like brander, who are willing to get dirty to reclaim their heritage, for elders who endured residential rape, for children who have grown up in abuse handed down from generations who have little or no experience with authentic people of God. 'they will know we are christians by our love'... right now that song seems like such a cruel joke.

for any of you who know marianne, she is starting chemotherapy again today for two tumors, her fifth round of cancer. please remember her in your prayers and maybe say a prayer for the boys in this house too.

just finished watching "the last samurai" again on dvd. yes it's hollywood, yes it's tom cruise, but it's a movie that touches me.
i think its a valuable piece in that it forces me to take a hard look at my own honor, my beliefs, and my sense of rightness. i am secretly shamed by a piece of fiction that casts light on my own struggles to be an honorable man. i see my own 'falling shorts' as a friend once called it, and feel dirty compared to the way of bushido. it's a good feeling. it reminds me i'm alive. it hurts, but it hurts good.
as a fan of history i often long for earlier days, wish i had lived in simpler times by a clearer moral code. that my value and honor could be measured in tangible, not so vague, ways. if a glitzy movie can accomplish all that in a few short moments, maybe hollywood still has a few good stories left in her.

i had a conversation yesterday, with a friend who is a counsellor, about leaders who use God as a weapon, about all of us who have been spiritually abused, about other related topics. this morning he wrote me a rather lengthy but important response, here it is...

just thinking that sometimes people get involved in "ministry" for quest of power like we talked about.. i also am leery of individuals who assert their "control" through other means like "spiritual warfare"... i've seen this in the "renewal" meetings i've been invited to... in Vineyard years back in the early 80's... and even in Pentecostal
venues... either in bible studies or meetings or services... people are eager to talk
about doing spiritual battle with all kinds of things... "gifts of discernment" prayer
warriors... etc... now these can be ligit... as a counsellor i know of abuses of all
kinds... the result is that it leaves people with the hyper-sensitivity other than the
verbal.... they live in cocoons of sorts and realize reality through other ways of
communicating like non verbals, visuals and cues... they live through a kind of secondary communication system that has a means of looking very mudhc like an authentic spiritual ability of "intuition" and " discernment" but what it really is an over developed sense of alrtness to dysfunction... the example is if abuse you are hyper-alert to other forms of abuse... and dysfunction... you may see it in others and youo may see it being developed in others... that is not a spiritual "gift" but a means of coping with latent or underpinning personal abuse issues of your own... its a type of transference... the trick is to understand this and ask God to release yo from the selfish form and understand how to use this apporopriatly...

but when these so called "warriors" abuse their role i get really pissed... its so
insidious and tempting how the human heart and selfish nature can play a damaging role
with these types of "ministry" that is truly abusive... it also puts people on a level
that appears to be "untouchable" to the regular lay person or non leadership type... they
intimidate and bully in the most kind sense of the word... strutting around with piety
and "grace" yet all the while leaving mayhem of souls... they are warriors alright but
not healers... sometimes its like they are surgeons who don't use anesthetic while
operating... they don't even close up the wounds that they supposedly are there to expose and heal... and they definitely don't do post operative stuff like follow up or damage control or relationship building... their job is to expose and battle the "enemy" in high placed... to take control and authority by pleading and announcing authority in Jesus etc and then sometimes saying and doing things that just leave more tragedy as a result...

its all about old testament stuff too... very heirarchical... old covenant crap...
mantles, coverings, annointings, second blessings, manifestations, blessings and
covenants or formulas for spiritual health... its truly "word faith"... it leaves all the owness on the believer and not the person "doing" the warfare... there is no mutual
accountablity...

sometime its just a "message", "word" or "prophecy" when in actual fact it is very much a selfish carnal act... all with the wrong motive... i know i have this kind of ministry
but its scares the crap out of me that i have it... i rarely if ever have admit it or
used it... i realize its God's power through me not me... i also make damn sure that i'm
in a situation where there are others around to keep me spiritually accountable... and
its not in hugely public and pressured situation where the person is left feeling
condemned or fatatlistic about the outcome... but rather there is a sense of hope and
healing...

i also believe that the spititual warfare is for the inside of the church where walls
separate people... but it looks like relationship development and equitable
accountability...

people talk about these spiritual "strongholds" all the time as being about demons and
evil spirits and people being in opposition to the things of God... that might be an over
generalization... i see it as how we have divided and conquered areas of our church
activity and the body of Christ from within... marking our territories and places of
comfort and influence good or bad... in order to make ourselves seen or unseen in the
body... these strongholds are more destructive to people when people abuse each other
in the name of Jesus because they are usually in a church feeling this is supposed to be
a safe place where in fact they are open to wolves in sheep's clothing... there are a
bunch of people who want to be shepherds of flocks to feel good about themselves...
excercise their "spiritual" gifting...

in short i get really defensive about these kinds of abuse... very angry... very
protective... Jesus came to heal people who were disenfranchised from the very
"religious" system he was a part of by wolves in sheeps clothing... blind guides... white
washed tombs... broods of vipers...

i believe that we need to be very careful how we "use" our positions and care for the
sick as Jesus would do...

just some thoughts...

lots of thots going around about this weekend - empowerment, leadership, real vs. fake community, posing, true acceptance, the effectiveness of "more", the future of sensory ministry, questions and misgivings about pushing the envelope with churched kids, lots of stuff that i'm not comfortable writing about yet. one thing i can say with certainty at least is that it was good to work with andy hunter again. love the idea of an hour of worship music with no singing. i remember the first time we worked together. i remember being blown away. i saw that look on other faces this weekend.

after i stopped laughing i thot this was an incredibly honest blog...

No Man Hands

"Is that your minister in immaculate broadcloth and shiny boots, turning the leaves of his Bible with lily-fingers? Pardon me that I did not recognize him. You see I have been reading of John the Baptist with his raiment of camel's hair, of Christ with his single garment, tramping barefoot, unshaven and unshorn over Judea's blazing hills."
- Brann's "Iconoclast"

One of the most humiliating moments of my life...

There was a woman leader I had in a youth ministry I used to lead that had a serious infatuation with me. She had discussed her problem with my wife and I and we had known about it for a while. it was a strange and awkward thing because she was married and we were all pretty close. I wasn't sure what the answer to the problem was going to be.

Then one day after a service we were all closing in prayer and she was next to me on one side and held my hand. I didn't think much about it but later that year she confessed something.

She said the spell had been broken.
What was it that shook her from her madness?
Holding my hand.
She said it was a weak and lilty hand, feeble not strong.
It turned her off.

Well, problem solved for her...but not for me.
That one comment was like a blow from Thor's hammer upon my poor fragile ego...I didn't have man hands...Arghhhhhhh!

I was spiritual, bible bred, could converse, discuss, think and debate. I could write, sing, play guitar and preach with passion. I was visionary, insightful, caring, loving and in touch with my feelings.

But...I didn't have man hands.

The church had taught me how to connect with spirit but not with earth.

ok, lots of historymaker reflections to come but just a quick one for now (have a nasty meeting in 15 min).

one night we decided to dress up one of the staff as a goth chick and circulate her and see the reactions from the tight little pentecostal kids. the idea was to have people shun her a bit then bring her up to talk about first impressions and acceptance. all went well, except with the two teens from my twisted church. they both thot she looked hot! my youngest son, ben said, "yummy, i want to get with her." mission is a different place! i told one of them to invite her out to lunch with us and his response was, "naw i think she already changed back into her street clothes..." hehe

away at kamloops for historymaker until sunday. lots of new material when i get back. doing 12 screens, one over 30 metres. 4 vj's and tons of other stuff in the underground!

i have been listening to switchfoot lately. great band that sends a powerful message. their song, "i dare you to move" has really hit me. it reminds me that i have often settled for living, without getting a life. it reminds me that the joy of innocence has been tainted and the fog of stress and responsibility sucks the life from the joys of the moment. here's how i see it applying to groups:

Some of you are married. Where is the passion?
Quit greeting each other with your housecoat on and slippers and hairy armpits and body odor. Where�s the passion? Did you get married so it would end up this boring? Where�s the romance? Where�s the passion? You going to settle for boring? Is that why you got married? I dare you to move�

Teenagers. Nothing sucks worse than boring, uncommitted teens. So you�re bored. So this town sucks� guess what? It�s your fault. Stand up and make something of your life. Take a stand at school. Believe in something. Go on a missions trip. Get a life. Volunteer. Make a difference. Quit living just to make yourself happy. Be alive. I dare you to move�

Single adults. So you have a job and a car. How�s that working out for you? You happy yet? Maybe you�ll be happy when you get a better car or make money� but I doubt it.
What are you giving your life for? Yourself? Instant pleasure? More trips surfing or playing around or just being selfish? How are you changing your world? How�s that working out for you? I dare you to move�

Older adults. Made enough money yet? Done enough yet? Acquired enough stuff to load down your hearse yet? How�s that working out for you. How are you investing the rest of your days? I dare you to move�

I dare myself to. Because God loves us too much to not keep hammering home at us to live our lives to make an eternal difference. He dares us to move�

check out my buddy james's blog here.

A little while ago I had the very uncomfortable privilege of being publicly humiliated. Let me start by saying, it�s not it was the first or the last time I�ve been publicly humiliated. Actually, I�m quite good at that. Most of my screw-ups someone or some group usually finds out about so I�m kinda used to people telling me off. But this was different.
We were at Lou�s Grill. If you haven�t been there, they make the best blackened chicken burger and spuds in the world. I guarantee it. (I sound like that suit guy�. I guarantee it�)
So anyway, we�re at Lou�s grill. Myself and two guys I kind of hang with. And I gotta tell ya, these guys are gorgeous. I know, I�m a guy and I�m not supposed to notice but as you�re about to understand, that fact was made pretty clear. Let me go on cuz there is no way I can back out of that compliment now even if I try so whatever�
So we�re at Lou�s Grill and the weirdest thing happens. These gorgeous women start coming over and giving us their phone numbers. I am, at this point, using the word �us� incorrectly. Perhaps I should rephrase that.
So we�re at Lou�s Grill and the weirdest thing happens. These gorgeous women start coming over and giving �them� their phone numbers. It was at this point that I was reminded of Sesame St. why you may ask? Do you remember Sesame Street when they had that game they always played with Grover? Anyone remember which game I�m talking about?
�One of these things is not like the others�.�
�Can you guess which one is not like the others��?
Me and two land studs and I�m playing this game in my head and it dawns on me, I think for the very first time, �You�re not as good looking as they are�.
it was a shock cuz my mom thinks i'm beautiful!

RECENTLY my family and I were listening to a grad address as a mother was describing how the growth and welfare of the grad is most influenced by their home environment and how they get their values � how important their parents influence upon them was � how crucial the parents are to their child�s success (and at this point, my son Nathan turns to me, takes a hard look at me and says, with a totally straight face,��
I�M SCREWED�)

I have lived my life to please others. Generally I do a pretty crappy job of it but it's been my marching orders for most of my life.
Conform...
Take for example-- marriage - as I talk to couples, as I learn about myself, one thing is evident to me: most of us aren't allowed to be who we really are. We conform. Some of you are in marriages where you aren't allowed to be yourself. Your spouse doesn't know who you really are… in order to keep the peace, or because you cannot feel acceptance unless you jump through the hoops, you conform. for years many of us have lived like this - with a deep-seated awareness that you are not accepted for who you are.

The list of subtle expectations have beaten you down. You have dreams you have given up. You have strengths you hide. You have passions that will never be realized.

It's a trap. You need to be something, you think, to keep your spouse happy but somewhere along the line you lost who you were. It's a trap

Some of us live our lives to make sure everyone around us are happy. We think nothing of putting aside your own needs, your own desires, so that everyone will be happy. Except you. You convince yourself that you are doing what is best for everyone. Everyone except for you that is. You tell yourself that doesn't matter. But you are wrong.

God created you an original. But you are forced to be a copy.

Remember your inner child? Sometimes under the threat of alcohol, or when you are with a few select friends, sometimes when you are alone, that kid comes out. But not very often. Your school mates, your family and work, your friends, want you to be something - so you are.

I have friends who apologize for me to other friends. I have loved ones who are embarrassed by me and so they need to explain me to potential contacts before they meet me. it hurts, but they explain it as a necessity, they want others to accept you as they do, driving your insecurities deeper.

Many of us get the distinct feeling that our friends don't really like us - the real us. If you ever let your guard down, if that inner child ever pokes it's head out --- you know they won't like you anymore. And for some of them, maybe that's actually true. You have hoops to jump through to be accepted - to be loved - or to be included.

people's opinions own you.

I had a startling conversation with a pastor at a conference recently. He was from a church of significant girth and status, replete with many staff and visions of grandeur. So I asked him what his church was doing for the poor. And I pressed him. Hard. The answer was ? nothing. Oh sure they gave out a Christmas hamper or two and for all I know he donated to Unicef on Halloween; the usual deal.
Since that eventful conversation I have put the question to many other churches, maybe even your church. Usually the results are predictable. Here?s my conclusion ? churches really don?t care about the poor. Jesus cared about the poor. In fact he was quite adamant that one of the hallmarks of holistic faith would be a passion for the lowly, the oppressed, the hurting and? the poor. He went as far as to say that taking care of such would be an act of worship to God. "As much as you do to the least of these, you do to me." He said. "True faith", Paul said, was to "take care of widows and orphans." So why is it then that churches have huge budgets, great facilities, wonderful programs, but no poor? You don?t see significant dollars given, there are few or no poor in the pew. Where did we go wrong?
The poor are messy. They are needy. They don?t tend to invest your gift. Many aren?t looking for work. They can smell. If you give them money they may squander it or worse ? buy cigarettes. They don?t usually live in "the burbs".
He said to me, "we give something?" churches and individuals are notorious for giving a little something to appease their conscience. My take on this ? it?s worse than giving nothing at all. It objectifies the needy into projects without beginning to care for the real person. It enables us to totally disregard true compassion and it actually increases the problem.
How much does your church do for the poor?
I think it?s time that someone called a lie a lie. It?s time we let the cat out of the bag, admit that the emperor has no clothes and owned up to the fact that we have become predominately a white, affluent ministry that is largely self-serving. Most churches I have known are too stinking lazy and selfish to do anything of real value for the people Christ came to seek and save. We love to spout off how committed we are; but try to get people to sell their car and give the money away. Most of us, myself included, are really selfish pigs.
Let?s be godly. Let?s be the church of Christ. Let?s put our money where our mouth is and spend some real time and real coin in real ministry for once. Let?s stop debating the issue and critiquing the fonts. Let?s change the church and change the world.
Disturbed by this blog? Good.

These days it seems like most of us are caught up in the rush to become the contemporary church. Words like 'seeker' and 'sensitive' have become buzz phrases in many of our conversations and board meetings. Many of our churches have hired a consultant and discarded the hymnbooks for an video projector or laptop computer. We have become relevant.

Or have we.

Recently I asked several of our senior teens to describe what a traditional church looked like. They candidly described to me a place where there were lots of announcements and the band played old songs like "Majesty" and "As A Deer". They spoke of overhead projectors, skits, and blue suits. I was amazed to learn that they thought this was what a traditional church looked like. What they were describing was the model of church that most of us are still transitioning into - the modern, seeker sensitive congregation that so many of hold in such high regard.
The problem is deeper than just style choices. Today's churches, fashioned and controlled by the baby boomers, have developed their own form of traditionalism and have, in many cases, frozen the mold. They pass on their bias to their conservative white bread children. We have quit thinking outside of the lines, quit innovating. In a very real sense, we have developed our own brand of 'traditionalism'. This is most apparent in the music we use and endorse. Music which is 'contemporary' is in, and most of it sucks. Musical styles which may reflect the younger tase are not only ignored, they are even denegrated. When is the last time we heard rap or alternative or hard rock in the contemporary church?
The up and coming kids who have not been bred in church see the music and service style of the contemporary church as canned and conservative. We have simply redefined what is acceptable and what is not. The next generation believes much of what we do as irrelevant, slick, and dated. They are suspicious of models like Saddleback and Willow Creek. Many see themselves as marginalized and ignored. They yearn for authenticity, even at the expense of professionalism. They want to follow real people not professional disciples. In fact, there is a real desire among the up and coming adults for a true worship experience, true community, and real accountability.

I find it disturbing that many of our leaders and pastors really have no understanding of what is going on in the next generations; let alone the people who wouldn't darken the doors of their church on a bet. What is even more distressing is that I get a real sense that many don't even care. In many ways it reminds me of how the older generation reacted to the baby boomers only a few short years ago.

So what is the solution? Do we chase culture and merely reflect what is currently trendy or hot? Do we dig in our heals and draw lines in the sand? I don't think either option is viable. Whatever we decide it must be with the real understanding that this generation is valuable to God, but lost, unless we decide to drag ourselves out of our conservative comfort zone and make a real effort to shine a light into a hurting and cynical culture.

I believe there is more at stake than we may first understand. As Keith Drury says, "Look around. Add twenty years or so to the ages of your people. What will you be then? A boomer nursing home? Or a church who passes on the torch to the next generation?" Good questions...

Here�s the situation. A bible study on marriage and commitment with a room full of people. The �Smith�s� are living together, have been for a while, know that it�s wrong and have been told. The �Jones�s are elderly, living together, fairly new to the church. Another couple is engaged, both previously married at least once, got engaged very quickly and it is doubtful whether or not they can be biblically married. Two other couples are unequally yoked. Another is separated and headed towards divorce. The final couple lived together before marriage. The leader is separated from her second husband. Welcome to New Heights.

In retrospect, maybe they should have done a bible study on something else. Wading into such a porridge would surely open up a powerful controversy. Most churches, even those less unorthodox then New Heights, steer clear of making blanket statements regarding remarriage, living together, abortion, the narrow road of salvation, the destiny of the unsaved etc. People today seem to take offense quickly, rebel against strict standards, and blatantly refuse to follow rules that are inconvenient or negative. The temptation to soft sell is overpowering.

Close to half the adult couples in my church live together outside of wedlock or have been married more than once. Half would be a very conservative estimate. The church needs to seriously address this �normalcy� within society and many churches. Even our most serious disciples seem to easily discard the biblical mandate when it rubs up against their desire to have their own way. �Justification� of actions is rampant in our congregation and others. To insinuate that a divorced person will be unable to remarry or to condemn those living in �sin� will often lead to a quick exit by the couple and a barrage of negative press.

I am not sure what must be done to properly address this issue but I do know that the dogmatic gospel has become a hard sell to the unchurched world. We need to realize that most of the lifestyle theology that many in the church take

The images of American military personnel abusing and humiliating prisoners of war horrify me. And not just because I am shocked by the thought that seemingly 'civilized' people can commit such acts. I am horrified because those images make me confront the evil that lurks in the deep places of my own soul. � That kind of evil is all too familiar to me. I see it lurking inside me, and once again I cry out to God for mercy and forgivenness, on my own behalf as well as for people whose misdeeds right now have become a matter of public record.

leighton has a thot provoking political commentary here.

so the other week my son nathan came to me and admitted he had been slacking on his homework. one of his teachers never reads his assignments and after a while nate caught on and decided to test her. he stopped doing the assignments and instead began writing about his ficticious pet, stampy the elephant. for over two years he has yet to complete a home assignment, and she has never caught on.

he is careful to include the name of the assignment in the first line. here are a few examples of assignments he has actually turned in...

writing on WW1:
- ww1 was really cool because me and stampy played in the rain, it was a weird day.

on the sociological effect the war had on canadian cities:
- ww1 wasn't in montreal because that's where me and stampy were.

on exercise:
- people like to walk, because that's what me and stampy do. i hate charlie (a classmate looking on) because she says mean things to me right now.

on rampant consumerism and the effect on canadian culture:
- i'm going to buy a nice car. i think that would be very exciting. canada has many problems that could be solved if i had a nice car.

as a parent i want to encourage him to do his best, take his education seriously, and strive for excellence. as a guy i want to see how long he can get away with it. i'm torn...

several posts ago i mentioned in an offhand way that while in the ministry i once got busted for using cocaine in the pulpit. it was almost decades ago now but for some of the few who read this blog it was problematic, to say the least. one person wrote me to tell me i should be ashamed that i did something like that... 15 years ago. they went on to say that i obviously had a weak stance on sin and that i should probably not be a pastor. after i finished laughing, i got to thinking.

in a world where so many religious leaders struggle with private sins, in a century where so many authority figures get "caught" in inappropriate behaviour, it is still hard for many to believe that their leaders are not pristine clean. there is something in all of us that wants to look up to those who lead us.

there needs to be a re-evaluation of the understanding of the 'infallible ones'. most of us are far from infallible. all of us fall short of our own expectations, let alone the expectations of others. it would be fabulous to be able to go back and redo parts of our past, but we can't. we all live with the scars of inappropriate lifestyle decisions. i have many.

it seems a two-edged sword of hypocracy that we want others to come clean and exercise accountability, yet are shocked by their admitted indiscretions.

yes i used drugs... yes i inhaled. the first time i ever was exposed to drugs was as a 13 year old when an older relative and her boyfriend thot it would be funny to see the kid get high. i grew up with an unlimited supply of free intoxicants and little or no moral accountability. in part it has helped to make me what i am today. deal with it. i in no way condone the use of drugs, having gone through the twelve-step program for years; in fact i take a very conservative view on such matters.

so many of us have skeletons in our closets; the pastor who admitted to me his guilt over a homosexual experience as a child, the woman who had an abortion, the leaders who have had affairs, the prevalent sins that seem to enslave so many of us for so long. i think it is important for the church to come clean and finally admit that the power of sin is terrible and real. maturity begins when the demons have be identified and dealt with.

there are many areas in my life where i still deal with the power and effects of sin. most are more subtle and devious than the overt indiscretions of my youth. i love what tony campolo has often said, "i'm not ok, you're not ok, but the bible says... that's ok." we don't celebrate our weakness but we don't hide it either. brokenness and humility, salted with discretion, need to be our hallmarks, even those of us who are paid to be holy.

on may 29 we are hosting a first-nations gathering, with a little help from 1000 tipis, in mission from noon-6 pm. if you are in the area, native or not, come on by!

one of our small groups, affectionately known as the bow wows, wrote me this week to give me a hallmark befitting the people we hang with...
forget the hallmark sappy stuff; this is what a real, new heights mom does:
M means well
O overlooks crap
T teaches things she doesn't know
H hopes to survive
E enters into motherhood blindly
R rips farts with the rest of the family

it's been a bit of a strange phenomenon these past 3 years. women i know wish me happy mother's day. at first it seemed strange but now i've come to accept and appreciate it. i guess they don't know many men who are single parents and i understand what they are trying to express... very noble indeed. i truly hope, though, that my wife does not hear about it, i would hate for her to be hurt.

my buddy was leading service today and spoke of when he was young how his mother cleaned up his puke one day. a lady was seen running from the service to the bathroom with her hand over her mouth. ahhh church...

I Don't Want to Be a Senior Pastor Anymore...

I've come to an important conclusion lately - I don't want to be a senior pastor anymore. I've been there, done that and I'm done with that. I just want to be a member of the team. But I still want to get paid...

I'm tired of being the man. I'm tired of carrying the weight of the church on my shoulders; of feeling like the buck starts and stops with the senior pastor. There is a dysfunctional dichotomy in church circles, a separation by position which has been the cause of much hurt and confusion. I'm done with it.

I?m no theologian but as I read the new testament I read about gifting, not positioning, of calling not hierarchy. We are all part of the body of Christ, each serving in different capacities, none subservient, none elevated. As a paid pastor I hold a position of calling, of servanthood, of trust. Does this then entitle me to separate myself from the laity as an authority by position, as over and above?

At New Heights, in many ways, I'm just one of the kids. I hope to be respected as a spiritual elder, as a bible student, as a mature man of God called to this place for this time. I don't want to be thought of as special, as better, or as the authority on issues for which I have no expertise. I need to be able to submit myself to those in authority over me even though they may be laity (your word not mine). I have spiritual fathers in our church, one of whom at least I need to submit to in areas concerning theology and ethics. One of our other pastors, Susan, clearly has forgotten more about creating community then I will ever know. My wife is much more mature then I am and understands the heartbeat of God on a deeper level than I do. Debbie Deyo is a major prayer warrior. The list goes on and on. I won't pretend any longer that I am an authority on these things.

I would like to propose that as a pastor my primary duty is to equip, facilitate, lead by passion, and seek God's vision. I have a calling, areas of authority, places of responsibility, and a role as spiritual elder. I disagree with many pastors who feel that they need to be out in front in every area; I just want to be a passionate, visionary, part of the team. I am still strong-willed, directive and often immature but no longer feel the need to win at all costs, to pretend I have it all together, or to go it alone. I want community. I want to be real. For so many years I have bought into the myth that I can't really trust people in my church. Did you know that your pastor probably feels that he or she needs their deepest community with people no from your church? Did you know that your pastor is probably lonely and isn't convinced he or she can trust anyone? It's a sickness that has to stop. Something is wrong when the promoter of community isn't in community his/herself.

went window-shopping again for a permanent church location. as usual, would have to sell our souls to afford anything in town, especially downtown where we want to hang. i know it's not that important but would love a sense of permanence where we could put out skate ramps, jam loud till the cows bellowed and the cops came, and hang with a coffee pot and new dreams.

i get very frustrated in our current surroundings on sunday morning. every other part of our week is participatory, reactionary and personal. then we walk into the multi-million dollar theatre and turn our personalities off. i hate it. the entire aspect of the theatre is designed to encourage spectatorship and its hurting our community. many are too intimidated by the structure to take part, share a poem, sing a song or just heckle. it's impossible to make some people understand when all they can focus on is the incredible accoustics, the ample seating and the amazing look. but that is all dross if we aren't connecting.
maybe it's not to be. maybe it is. tomorrow is another day.

via the emergent kiwi

a rather disturbing and thought-provoking asian perspective on the recent events in iraq via bene diction's blog.

>my wife marianne works at the rcmp station in kelowna and recently told me that a full 75% of sexual abuse charges later turn out to be false. it is a staggering statistic, especially in light of my good friend being charged here in the fraser valley. i have to believe he is innocent until proven guilty. if he is guilty, then my heart goes out to the young person that was involved. in light of the statistic though, it is entirely possible, even probable knowing him, that the allegation is not real. if it is not will they send the same camera crew over to his house to proclaim to the world his innocence? will there be public outcries for his reinstatement? will people believe he is innocent? i greatly doubt it. the media has spun the entire thing to proclaim his guilt.

as i read and watched the allegations against him i was stunned at the inacurracy of the reports. some were flagrantly ficticious. it makes we wonder just how accurate the news is coming out of iraq. the media are the gatekeepers, spinning and dictating what we believe. at a recent focus on the family convention in seattle the media covered the 4500 gay activists who chanted "bigots go home". there was no mention of the 23000 people inside the stadium who were there to support the traditional family. add to that the number was closer to 300 than 4500. in a world where truth is relative the media has taken that sentiment to town. i am very cautious of having any involvement with an organization like this which lacks integrity on such a grand scale.

having said all this, they would surely proclaim that based on this blog i am anti-gay, anti-children, pro-sexual abuse and a redneck wingout hellbent on promoting the Bush agenda. oh ya, that's me in a nutshell...not.

"we were uncomfortable that it was a highly crafted experience served by professionals. But isn't the body of Christ about giving what we have, regardless of how polished we are? And isn't it about giving whether we are paid professionals or not?"

stolen from grrrl meets world

i love history. one of the things you learn reading history is that many scientific realities were at one time a topic of huge disagreement. many were burned at the stake for little or no reason other than they were right. death came swiftly to many early scientists who dared to question ignorant religious beliefs. some things never change...

take the issue of native spirituality. bring up that you had native dancers or drummers or music, god forbid a sweatlodge, and most christians feel their sphincters begin to pucker. recently my friend brander tried to discuss such an event at a meeting of pastors lately, and the room got very quiet.

most christians think that there is little in native spirituality to be saved. after all, natives all pray to dead relatives, dance for the spirits, beat their drums to summon departed souls and go to the sweatlodge to get in touch with their spirit guide right? wrong.

in typical fashion most christians have tons of opinions about things they really don't understand and aren't willing to study. people who have never been to our church can tell you exactly what we are about. people who have never talked to me know for sure that i have sold out to sin or compromise. leaders with little or no knowledge of other cultures are able to have brilliant debates about the problems with said cultures. it's ridiculous.

it's one of those, "my opinion stands, unhindered by facts" things. some christians should just shut up about stuff they don't know about. i know people tell me to do it all the time! i blow off about stuff i think i'm right about often, only to realize that only had a piece of the puzzle.

with regard to native spirituality, somebody has to be willing to get a little dirty out there to offer the love of the creator god to a people who want desperately to connect with truth and are much further along than i am in their understanding of wholistic faith, forgiveness and acceptance. there are problematic areas in native culture and some things which cannot be justified but then again, i used to be a baptist and you could almost say the ....

but then again, i could be wrong. the world could be flat. (that reminds me of the winner of the "worst thing to say at the end of a sermon contest" --- end with, "but then again, what do i know.")

i just checked out darryl's blogsite called "dashhouse" and it's pretty real (other than the crap about me being right about something!). check it out!

I had a disturbing thing happen to me a couple of months ago. I got pulled over by a cop for speeding. Now if you've ever driven with me you know I am the most conservative of drivers but for some reason I was speeding. So the cop pulls me over and does his little thing and comes back and tells me the ticket is $170. except he's only going to give me a warning. a warning. I was almost offended. What did I look like, a sweet, law abiding pastor all of a sudden? I never have gotten a warning before. Don't I look rebellious enough anymore? When I used to dive my mustang and have ACDC blaring in the stereo I never got a warning. Somewhere along the way I done growed up and got respectable.

First day we moved to Moose Jaw we were unloading our junk and I saw our neighbour on his roof.... roofing. Now let me describe this for you. He looked like a Muscle Magazine Cover. He was massive. Huge. Totally cut and only wearing shorts, sweating like some greek God roofing his house.
So Marianne says, "I have a great idea. Why don't you go help that guy with his roof. You could take off your shirt and get a good tan and get to know him."
Ya right. Samson and Super Chicken, doing the roof together.
I wasn't the muscular stallion you know today. I was rather skinny, tall and kind of goofy looking. I've changed alot.

A couple of summers ago, in the spirit of the family vacation, we all got in the car and headed out to the farm. 22 hours.
We got just outside of a dumpy little Alberta town called Redcliffe when the fuel pump on the truck went. We coasted into this little dive and took a room at the local 5 star hotel. We knew it was five star because the stars were painted on the doors. 4 of us in a room that was, i kid you not, 12x10... for 2 days.
We got all the wonderful benefits of a rural garage - no in stock parts/ jed the mechanic with one good tooth/ and the benefits of rural pricing. So 560.00 later we leave town. So thankful to get away.
There was nothing to do, mud roads,
bugs
and eating at the Esso three times a day.
We cruise out of the garage and go about 70 metres when we start down a steep hill... right into Medicine Hat. Travellodges, Canadian Tire Store, 6 or 7 garages, the works. A Silver City, malls, pools... you can imagine it. Without a word of exaggeration, Red Cliff is from here to Grab-a-java from Medicine Hat. We just looked at each other and started to laugh...

i did a funeral today and kinda went off on the audience, hopefully in a good way. they wanted to play that old song "in the living years" during a silent part and then have me respond to the song. as i walked up i felt like i needed to be more direct than most funerals i have done and proceeded to dare people to take the song seriously. i said things like, 'some of you are married and you treat your spouce like an enemy more than a lover. what are you thinking? do you know how serious the stakes are?" i told parents if they hadn't told their kids they loved them recently that they were basically sinning. i went on like that for about 90 seconds, daring people to take the song seriously and use this moment in time to honor the deceased by turning their life around. it was pretty intense. when i got home tonight this song came to mind, the newest release by switchfoot,

Welcome to the planet, Welcome to existence
Everyone's here, Everyone's here
Everybody's watching you now, Everybody waits for you now�What happens next?

Chorus: I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
Like today never happened, Today never happened before

The tension is here
Between who you are and who you could be
Between how it is and how it should be

Maybe redemption has stories to tell
Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell
Where can you run to escape from yourself?
Where you gonna go? Salvation is here�

I dare you to move, I dare you to move
I dare you to lift yourself up off the floor
I dare you to move, I dare you to move
Like today never happened
Today never happened before

well, another friend who probably won't hang out with me much longer. he's in saskatoon at the infamous jordon cooper's house one day and gets his picture on jordon's blog. as least i can say i knew him, even when he starts ducking my calls...

last night my buddy rod and i made a video called "wonderful world" using louis armstrong singing his classic. it was intended to portray the exact opposite, the corruptness, the pain, and the evil that is all around us in the world. it turned out better, or worse, than i could have imagined.

it's graphic. way too graphic for most gatherings. it shows the shooting of jfk, the executions in vietnam etc. i made it up for historymaker, a mega-youth event in kamloops coming up in a few weeks but i'm pretty sure it will be vetoed. six hours of work for nothing, potentially. i think i'll show it in church sometime with a huge warning attached to it. new heights can take it.

it was exactly what i wanted. now i'm not sure anyone else ever will. cool.