"The mystery of perception and relationship ~ your memory of a person is not the person but a perceptual construct you have created. We often think we know someone. Do we really know them or do we only know a construct we have created in our memory? How well does our mental construct of a person cohere with who they are? Do we even have an accurate memory of who we are? Do you? Is a memory of our experience all we have? Is reality beyond memory, language construction, symbolic representations and thought?"

read the whole blog here.

last night we held an open mike at "classic rhythms" coffee bar in abbotsford to raise money for the teens going to thailand to the AIDS orphanage in a couple of weeks. very cool...

firstly, the venue rocks. very sweet look and feel to the place. though the hosts of the event were not primarily musical, several of our best musicians showed up.

it was a real community moment, several hung around till 11 listening to brander, annette and chris anthony jamming on the stage for well over an hour. brander and annette are always quality, singing original material, but chris rocked on drums. they had a sweet 5 minute or so instrumental, which totally rocked. later brander said he could have played for another hour with chris.

the owner of the venue is a man who has given his life to help kids. he owns a large skate shop and donated lots of stuff to give and auction away. very cool guy who totally gets it.

nice to see some new talent out as well. we rock several times a month and constantly are encouraging new people to get up and get busy. i made the invitation to a few new musicians to show up with material on sunday mornings or night. we'll see what happens.

a high point for my family was when the three of us did a couple of songs -- nathan on the drums, ben on lead guitar with me doing to the singing. they were great and i was... there. nate has only been playing the drums for a few months so definite high point for him. we did U2's "beautiful day" and jimmy eats world's "middle". fun to hang with my boys. some pictures may follow if i can scare them up.

"After being inducted into the church and Christian relationships they find out (are taught) how disappointed God is with them." read the whole story here. 

well another year older... sucks! hehe. not where i'd like to be but thank god i'm not where i was...

annette mcdonald, the infamous wife of brander, is now blogging. here is her address!

I have listened with interest at the whole first nations discussion.  Having been highly connected with the first nations community both in Vancouver and in Mission through ministry and teaching, I would like to offer some comments to add to our confusion (hehe).

Cross-cultural ministry is never easy.  It always involves confusion.  It demands explanations.  It craves understanding. But most of all, it requires accountability.

Several years ago, we did a youth event in a church in Abbotsford.  During that event, we staged a rendition of �Born to Be Wild� complete with long hair wigs and tricycles bombing through the sanctuary. Little did we know that tricycles were verboten at the altar!  Oops! An example of cross-cultural confusion. The youth pastor was fired and all was restored to �normal�. 

In Vancouver, I ministered in a Spanish church.  It was a church that happened�it wasn�t planned or planted intentionally. A refugee family came to church one day and from there grew a thriving Hispanic community of worship, which can whip anyone reading this in a rousing game of soccer!  However, the problem was, the leader was a woman!  A beautiful, gentle 4�8� woman, who used two pillows to see out the window of her large Oldsmobile.  In their culture, a woman cannot pastor the church.  Our church upstairs had a woman pastor!  Again, cross-cultural confusion. 

When I worked at Safeway during my University years(hello, thank you, have a nice day), I had two co-workers who were such an encouragement to me in my faith.  I was 18 years old, just moved to Vancouver from Wpg., and I was fairly new in my faith.  They helped me answer faith questions�stupid ones�without ever making me feel stupid.  You can imagine my shock when they announced they were leaving their respective spouses and moving in together because God had REALLY chosen them for each other.  They had made a mistake in marrying other people.  It rocked my boat! Again, confusion.

Two years ago, I told my pastor that I had participated in a healing circle for two of my students, complete with smudging.  I was angrily told how it always seemed OK to have native spirituality in the schools, but not a Christian pastor come in and pray. Hmmmm.  More confusion.

God designed people to worship Him.  We have a hole inside of us that craves a relationship with Him and Him alone.  He sent His son Jesus to bridge that gap.  He gave us the Word, so that when we were in a state of confusion, we could get some guidance both in HOW we live and WHO we are.  Our journey is towards God, both metaphorically and physically when we croak!  We strive to �be holy as he is holy�, to live a life surrendered to Jesus.

But that doesn�t mean that we don�t live with outward influences and cultures.  If you have read CS Lewis� literature, you know how Wormwood craftily weaves his way into the life of Christian.  And that I think is the caution on any cross-cultural ministry, whether it be youth, African, Ukrainian or Aboriginal.

And so, I leave you with some questions..

Are those in leadership personally accountable in this journey of ministry to someone objective and Godly?  I am not talking about friends, I am talking about people who have and are on this same journey of aboriginal ministry.  For example, NAIM, the aboriginal ministry that Brander�s brother works for.(Prov. 10:13,Jas 5:13-16)
Are those in leadership in a spiritual care group which constantly looks to the Word of God, seeks prayer and listens to His voice? Are you modeling the CHARACTER of Jesus in everything? AND is this attested to by the general community?  We are to be living testaments to the character of Jesus.  If this is solidly in place, then we can walk through all cultures, as Jesus did, without contradiction in what we do or say. (2 Peter1, 1 Tim 3, Titus 2, Rom 14, 22-23)
Recognizing your statements of the �infiltration of white culture� on the Native culture, can the opposite be held true?  In other words, is there an imposition of Native cultural practices, which may or may not have connections with non-natives on European or Indo-Canadian spiritual practices?  Perhaps, you may feel an affinity to the aboriginal spiritual forms, but I may feel a stronger affinity to the spiritual forms of the Eastern European bloc?  Does that make me close-minded and less open to a deeper and widening experience of God OR does that mean I am wired differently than you and God reaches me in a DIFFERENT way? (not necessarily a lesser way) (Rom 14,1 Cor 12)
How clear is your presentation of the spiritual truth, the JESUS way, in the aboriginal forms of spirituality?  In other words, do those that participate understand that when we smudge, we are not calling out to the spirit of the north, the south, the east and the west, but to the Spirit of God through Jesus?  There are many religions that believe in God, that believe they have found the way to spiritual fulfillment.  Christian spirituality believes that the only way is through Jesus Christ and that is what our new testament faith is based on.  Do we only talk about God moments or do we talk about Jesus moments?(2John, 1John 5:4-12)

 
I only present these questions to help us search our own soul, our own character in our Christian journey in cross-cultural ministry.  They are born out of 20 years of cross-cultural ministry. I do have a concern that these two women who questioned you were responded to via weblog that leaves little room for discussion and implies they are condemning others.  It is a dissertation without real dialogue and detail.  My questions...Was is the whole service that upset them or was it one or two things in particular?  What were they?  Was there praying to other Spirits or did they pray to God through Jesus?   Or do you even know? God, the creator is seen through different cultural glasses depending on your heritage, but there is still only one way to Him.  Or maybe you disagree? The Bible is the Word of God..or maybe you disagree? We can always make women wear hats in church. Perhaps it renders further in-depth discussion, rather than a monologue on the philosophy of cross-cultural ministries.  There ARE many practices that are not Biblical�they may be cultural, but they are not Biblical.  We must discern that those specific practices do not infiltrate our faith in Christ and become part of our teaching. And we always need to be on guard.Yet, at the same time, we do not want to impose our culturally steeped traditions, forms and biases on other cultures and sometimes become a stumbling block to faith in Christ.  We should be asking questions without fear of belittlement. This is essential to our journey. You see, even as Christians, we have a history of killing for our faith, racial prejudice, sacrifices, etc and questioning specific practices is good for all parties involved. Perhaps what you need is an open forum with representation of all aspects of aboriginal ministry (i.e. people from other aboriginal ministries, namely, the chilliwack aboriginal Pentecostal church)�maybe in September and dialogue freely about it and how aboriginal ministry will flourish in our church�or if it will be the essence of our church.

Krispy Kreme Sells Liquid Doughnuts.
via

george, good insights.
i think it's important to set to rest the perception that many people have of ministries like ours as "biblically soft". often i have even been accused of being a pluralist. though i recognize the grave dangers of the slippery slope of pluralism etc, it's important to recognize that many of us in the "alt" movement are biblically conservative and theologically adept. though there is no question that many ministries are guilty of soft-selling sin, redemption, biblical authority and the godhead, most of the people i work with are not bent that way. we endeavor to take a missional view of culture and life and seek to retain the tenets of the faith and the recognition of God's real truth while engaging culture on a level that makes many people suspicious.
i do hope that the issues we raise are honest and engaging, while not compromising our basic beliefs. we hope to bring fresh insight into issues which have been hijacked by the dogma of modernism, and believe that much of the biblical world view has indeed been jeapardized by theology which is deeped skewed by north american culture and bias.

issues such as the native question are foundational to much of what the conversations have been about. it forces us to look through fresh eyes. it calls into question our ill-founded biases which may not be in fact largely accurate.one of the tensions that we come against all the time is the whole idea of postmodernism. many of those who are asking the good questions have grown up in a world that is suspicious of the last 50 years of evangelism and theology, if not the last 500. they want the freedom to ask hard questions without being beaten down by traditional viewpoints. they have no desire to augment or destroy the biblical narrative, they just are unable to buy into the stale theology of their forefathers. they long for a return to a righteous mystical faith, a discipleship which recognizes their senses and heart, not just their head. they yearn for biblical community, acceptance and participation. they are not biblical cynics, they are honest journeyors who are more than willing to believe the bible in a world that believes everyone is right. hope this helps the conversation.

good review on one of my favourite books. saves me the effort...

sunday night we had our largely first-nations gathering at the office/studio. after the event i had two christian people come up, concerned about the legitimacy of what they witnessed. inasmuch as we have incorporated native culture into the events, it has caused a level of discomfort and confusion for some who attend. here are their concerns...

1. it seems "new age" or smacks of native spirituality/polytheism/animism.
2. it is culturally different and therefore confusing.

let me address their concerns.
from the very first we have sought to cast a critical eye on what we are doing. it is not our intention to introduce other religions into what is happening. as a white culture we have been quick to condemn that which we do not understand. we have somehow come to understand that the use of the native drum is associated with spirit guides, TM or praying to the dead. we view, with suspicion, any presentation of native cultural expression. we want to 'white out' any form of indigenous spirituality because it makes us very uncomfortable.

as a participant in what i consider one of the few authentic bridges between white and native in canada, i have come to understand that which i once viewed with extreme skepticism. while living up north i had native christians (largely influenced by the charismatic movement) tell me that there was nothing to redeem from the native culture. then i met brander and some of the first nations people we deal with every week.

there is a great yearning in the native community for spiritual things. in many ways they have been heavily "christianized" by 400 years of white cultural religion. they have learned that God is white; that their forms of expression are evil, that they must sing hymns and listen to sermons. they feel at one with the native drum, but not at church. they don their regalia, but not at church. they sing songs that they have composed, but not at church. they live a cultural and religious paradox that they have come to view as normal.

even within the native community i see a streak of religious intolence. legalism is large among those first nations people i have come to know who are in leadership. there is a modicum of posing that takes place. their is hypocracy too. much of that which we despise about the north american church has subtely creeped into the native christian movement. we are all fallen people.

i think it is important to realize that the north american church has little to offer the authentic native seeker. as the first nations people become empowered, self-governed and rediscover their pride and heritage it will only serve to deepen the chasm between what they are learning and what they are experiencing in church. it is no wonder then that the power of the longhouse has begun to replace the duality of their church experience.

while i completely agree with the need for caution and conversation with regard to native religion, or any religion for that matter; surely it is time to take a serious look at 400 years of failed attempts to make inroads for reconciliation, and for faith, among first nations people. we are quick to advocate huge sources of revenue to touch other cultures while largely giving up on the indigenous peoples of our own land. many pathetic native churches have been started, staffed by white males and loaded with white culture, to no avail.

sunday night i watched as a native elder cried and spoke of the loss of a nephew. i then watched other natives form a circle around him and pray. the drum slowly beat and that uncle rhythmically danced as we prayed. it was a God moment - one that would never be allowed in most churches because of the latent religious prejudice. it was a reminder to me that God is not a white north american methodist, but the creator who loves all his kids, "red and yellow, black and white, all are precious in his sight, jesus loves the little children of the world."

back from edmonton, nate went skydiving for the first time. i was way more nervous than when i go! more later, at street church.

someone is flying my family out, putting us in a hotel and renting us a car in edmonton... needless to say,  i was available. off blogging unless i find a computer at the fantasy land hotel.

from thin spaces,
"cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
You can't make your heart feel something it won't.
Here in the dark, in these final hours.
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power.
But you won't, no you won't'cause I can't make you love me, if you don't..."

ok men, here is an issue worth fighting.

here's a gimic for all of you golfers (i am not one of you) that are really really really really lazy. it's hard to imagine getting a lather during golf as it is, and now this...
via

via maggie...
Oh! I have slipped the surly bonds of earth And danced the skies on laughter-silvered wings; Sunward I've climbed, and joined the tumbling mirth Of sun-split clouds - and done a hundred things You have not dreamed of - wheeled and soared and swung High in the sunlit silence. Hov'ring there I've chased the shouting wind along, and flung My eager craft through footless halls of air. Up, up the long, delirious, burning blue I've topped the wind-swept heights with easy grace, Where never the lark, nor even eagle flew - And, while with silent lifting mind I've trod The high, untrespassed sanctity of space, Put out my hand and touched the face of God. John Gillespie Magee (1922-1941)(Canadian Spitfire pilot in the Battle of Britian)

via yahoo news:
Science Museum looks to "poo power"

LONDON (Reuters) - The Science Museum says it is considering a radical way of paying its hefty energy bills -- using visitors' poo. 
The central London museum said it was considering taking the waste from its 14 toilet blocks and converting it into electricity.
"With free admission it would be a great way for visitors to give something back to the museum and help keep the overheads down," said the museum's head Jon Tucker. "We have almost 3 million visitors each year and have huge electricity bills."
The museum said the plan would be to siphon off excrement from the toilets, store it and then either burn it as fuel in a mini-power station or turn it into electricity using a microbial fuel cell.
The power produced from the excrement of 100,000 visitors could produce enough to power 500 light bulbs, while also breaking down harmful organic matter, it said.

i was touched by rose's comments on this blog about learning to survive after being raped. it is an amazing thing that something as pathetic as my blog can evoke such insight and emotion. some people ask me why anyone would blog, it seems to them to make no sense and serve no purpose. i learn alot from blogs, even from blogging.
 
as i think about the honesty some share, i am conscious that as the author of the blog, i am oft times tempted to whine, sometimes i feel sorry for myself. then i read a blog response like rose's.
 
alot of days i still hate my life. it's a fact that i live with in a world where it is tempting to look at others and see what i am missing. it's not very spiritual to admit, it's just the way it is some days. it's not necessarily healthy, it certainly isn't pastoral, but frankly, i hope its honest... so fire me. sometimes it seems like the greaving with engulf me, sometimes it's only a mild hum in the background. it bugs me to talk about it anymore because many who have gone through this past three years need to get on with their own lives, grow and learn, laugh and hug. the fact that i am still 'broken' pisses me off to no end. it's hard to preach about letting go yet not even remotely believe that in my situation that is god's will for my life. it may be self-deception, it may be childishness, it may be right, it may be just the way it is today.
 
i appreciate so much the comments about how easy it is to say you will let go, yet how hard it can be to do. especially in my case where either god has told me or i have convinced myself that it is not time to be released yet. day to day living is often intense. at least many of my friends and the people at the church i attend do not try to pretend everything is fine. sometimes life sucks.
-  it pisses me off when i hear people who have never had more than a grass stain lecture the rest of us on pain and growth - from the comfort of their marriage, their job, their security. for most of my adult life i lectured on letting go, having never had my life fall apart like some who listened to me spout off week after week. sure, like all of us, i had experienced financial and relational hardship; but on such a minor level it embarrasses me now when i read some of my old sermons with their perfect 3 step prescriptions and 20 minute solutions to problems that often wreck people permanently. i talked about depression and death and loss of a loved one like i was giving out candy, only to find that when i happened to me that most of my glib answers and 'ready to fling' bible verses didn't help at all. i spent months reading the bible while at the same time secretly praying for death. it seemed like god was far away and i was too. the only thing i could think to do was just to keep going even though i felt like a failure and a hypocrite. the bible tasted like dust, my life seemed meaningless, and all i could think to do was continure to get up in the morning.
 
thanks rose for making me think about this yet again. i hate you.... only kidding. i wish i could say that things are better, but they really aren't. you just learn to cope and learn to be faithful one day at a time. sometimes god seems present and powerful. for some of us god feels distant and oft times removed. i know it doesn't mean he has abandoned us, we just need to keep telling each other it's ok. it's normal. god still loves us. he's still there, even when our feeling fail us.
 
some of us still hurt every single day. some of us don't. i don't have as many easy solutions as i once did. i only know that growth usually comes out of pain. is the growth worth it? the sunday school answer is a resounding yes.  i'm not so sure. if i had to do it all over again would i want to -- i absolutely unequivocally would not, no exceptions, nothing in me second-guessing. i do know, however, that many of us have no choice but the one that asks us to choose to grow, or choose to die inside. as the movie 'shawshank redemption' said, 'get busy living or get busy dying'. it's still a choice, sometimes a daily one.
 
thanks for letting me get that off my chest...

from suzy's blog:
"I was talking to a friend recently about how the both of us faced doubts and hard times before going down to Costa Rica, but we went down anyway. And the both of us are very glad we followed through, we both had life changing experiences..." read the whole story here.

from Medical News Today,
"Life expectancy in some parts of Africa has dropped to below 33 years as the AIDS epidemic takes its toll in the region, says the Human Development Report, 2004 (United Nations)...Experts say that the greatest disparity between the top and bottom countries is when life expectancy is measured. A Norwegian baby is expected to live about 78.9 years while a Zambian is expected to live 32.4. 16.5% of Zambia�s population has AIDS.

AIDS has destroyed many facets of society in some African countries. Some countries are seeing economic reversals, drops in education provision as well as health care and loss of infrastructure.

Of the 38 million people who have AIDS in the world, 25 million are in Africa."

lets not take this sitting down!

"never look for righteousness in the other person, but never cease to be righteous yourself. we are always looking for justice, yet the essence of the teaching of the sermon on the mount is - never look for justice, but never cease to give it."

Any of you played paintball? It's this disgusting sport where you attempt to mow other people down in the name of sport and it promotes values like picking on the weak, killing and violence on many levels. It's really cool...
One of the most popular games you play at paintball is "Capture the Flag". It's the same as normal "Capture the flag" except with guns. Adds a certain edge to the whole thing.
In paint ball capture the flag the idea is to hide or die. Only morons with a desire for pain make those lightning attempts to outrun the opposition in full daylight. The goal is stealth - see but not be seen
...kill and not be killed.
If you are shot or captured you have to go to the jail and hope to be liberated. It's the ultimate humiliation. Better to hide and play it safe some would say.

We're good at hiding. Hide behind excuses. Jump from relationship to relationship. Rationalize, hide behind drugs/sex/internet/victim crap/behind masks.

We can hide for a lot of reasons - some of us are afraid to face the truth about ourselves
- maybe afraid for people to see who you really are
- my ugliness
- my pettiness
my fear of not being loved
There are million reasons to hide. And only one reason to get up and run...

I was thinking about how many churches really strive for standardization of many things. Standardization of theology, identification of ideal personality types, education by accredited theological schools of ones tradition, and other things don't in the end produce very similar types of leaders. For certain kinds of traditions that rotate pastors and tend to constantly hire, promote, and transfer pastors from within, that creates pastors that are interchangable among different local churches with standardized music (hymnals) and worship styles.

On the other side of the equation, we may be living in a post-Christian age, people still have expectations of what church looks like. When many studies have shown that even long time church attenders talk about never experiencing God (not sure what attraction church has then), I wonder if church is more about delivering an expected church experience instead of a bringing people to God.

read the whole blog here.

- a growing number of people are leaving the institutional church for a new reason. They are not leaving because they have lost faith. They are leaving the church to preserve their faith. They contend that the church no longer contributes to their spiritual development.
- They don�t trust religious institutions because they see them as inherently self-serving. So they are off on their own search for God.

Transformation:
- churches that understand the realities of the present future are shifting the target of ministry efforts from church activity to community transformation. This is turning the church inside out.
- �obvious acts of servanthood.�
- We Christians in the church have been great about speaking the truth without love.
- But our pickup lines need some serious work. I�m talking about actually gaining a hearing for the gospel on the streets instead of being flipped off.

Invest in community:
- the emphasis will involve helping people with job placement, car repairs, furniture distribution, food, financial help and financial planning.
- Releasing people to be missionaries will turn your congregation upside down. This new reformation, turning members in missionaries, will precipitate a crisis, both in individuals and in a congregation. P.65
- Adopting a missionary approach will require changing the scorecard p.67
- church scorecards currently reflect member values: how many show up, pay up and participate in chub member activities. A missionary church culture will need to begin keeping score on things different from what we measure up. P.67
- This is how we keep score and determine champions, division leaders and losers. What if, instead, we asked about people, not the institution? What if denominational reporting inquiries asked, �what percentage of your congregants feel they grew to be more like Jesus this past year?� what if church leaders asked each other, �how is God at work in your people?� or �where do you see Jesus bustin� out?�

People don�t want to be assimilated. But that�s what it feels like for many people who joined the church only to become part of �the collective� and lose their own individual lives.

while driving home from work yesterday i tuned into a radio program called "real life" out of Seattle. they were discussing the moral dilemna many politicians face as they try to balance their personal and public beliefs. take john kerry for example. yesterday he took communion at his catholic church and declared that be was pro-life. he admitted that life began at conception. two days ago he assured the american public that he was the pro-choice candidate. what gives? they went on to point out that several democrats have changed their stand on abortion in order to get elected. it seemed a very immoral and sleazy flipflop to make.
the announcer went on to ask if you can trust someone who says one thing in public and another in private. especially issues of such magnitude. is it possible to be for murdering children, and as a practicing catholic he has professed that stand, but also be in favor of murdering babies. we are not discussing his preference for ice cream.

the commentator likened it to someone who says they are against torturing puppies but supports someone elses right to do so. it was a very interesting secular broadcast to listen to. it was especially interesting to note that many of the non-religious callers said their country was in a state of moral bankruptcy, though they did not want any standard of morality.

James 1: "Consider it a sheer gift, friends, when tests and challenges come at you from all sides. You know that under pressure, your faith and life are forced into the open and shows its true colours. So don't TRY TO GET OUT OF ANYTHING PREMATURELY. Let it do its work so you become mature and well-developed, not deficit in any way..."

Many of us are going through some heavy crap right now. And we want to pass the buck and blame someone else. We wish we could place the blame or downplay the problem. And alot of us will. We'll wimp out.
But God says,go for the ride. Take it as far as you can, don't pass the buck, claim it as your own, own it and learn from it. Grow. It's hard and it's lonely and it hurts but so what. Use it to grow up.

That's a gameplan i don't like. I want to pass the buck in my stuff too. I want to find a nail to hang this all on and make myself look like a victim. But you know what. ....I'M NOT. I'm not the victim. I'm a sinner. I've blown it. I need to grow up. I don't want to but God tells me to NOT TRY TO GET OUT OF IT PREMATURELY. I hate that.

from deb's blog:
"To know what you prefer, instead of humbly saying "Amen" to what the world tells you you ought to prefer, is to keep your soul alive." ~ Robert Louis Stevenson

read the blog here.

it was an amazing night (actually two nights but the first was forgettable). we gigged for an hour and a half and the highpoints were when my bud wilf lambert broke down and talked about growing up ashamed of his heritage, called by his grandparents a "dirty half breed". wilf is an amazing talent and a "man's man" who is not emotional by nature but he was struck by something very deep. as he led our last song, "not ashamed" he told his story, and it was a god moment. brander came out after him and sang accapella an indian prayer song, a child's lullaby, as the place sat enraptured. i felt honored to be there, proud of my friends, and touched by the freedom that we have come to feel as we learn how to experience spirituality in a new way. check out the pics here.

"When I look around at so much of the discussion of the church, I think we may be doing the same thing. As much as we talk of revolutionary change, we are still taking to the field 52 times a year and putting on a programmed weekly event and programs during the week. As Alan Roxburgh has said
We need a movement of God's people into neighborhoods, to live out and be the new future of Christ. It must be a movement that demonstrates how the people of God have a vision and the power to transform our world. This is not the same as current attempts to grow bigger and bigger churches that act like vacuum cleaners, sucking people out of their neighborhoods into a sort of Christian supermarket. Our culture does not need any more churches run like corporations; it needs local communities empowered by the gospel vision of a transforming Christ who addresses the needs of the context and changes the polis into a place of hope and wholeness. The corporation churches we are cloning across the land cannot birth this transformational vision, because they have no investment in context or place; they are centers of expressive individualism with a truncated gospel of personal salvation and little else."

read the rest of this awesome post here...

if you're in the area, come on out to the creator's circle all nations gathering this weekend!

i belong to a small group, approximately half and half, male and female. last night we discussed the confusion that many of us, and our children, feel over changing gender roles and expectations - concluding that it is a very confusing world to grow up in. young girls and boys are taught conflicting messages, children grow up confused in their sexuality. culture tries to dictate how we feel about ourselves and often seeks to manipulate and distort our identity.

speaking as a guy, someone who does not pretend for a moment to understand the opposite sex, i know firsthand the confusing messages we are given growing up, and even now. i heard last night how it is the same, yet different, for women, though no less important to understand. i can only speak from my own experience.

i know growing up as a north american male we were told we needed to be sensitive, yet strong. i was taught that i was part of an oppressive sex, that i had put women down, that we were responsible for many problems that i was unaware even existed. as a young man we came to believe that women thot they were smarter than we were. the jokes came and went about how stupid men are, how we are unable to perform the most basic tasks without help. many of us, i have come to understand, secretly began to resent the female culture, believing most women to be arrogant and condescending. we watched tv and movies in which a 115 pound girl could beat up 6, 250 pound musclemen. we grew up on tv shows like "the Cosby's", "the flintstones" and their ilk in which a man was portrayed as easily manipulated, clearly mentally deficient and downright dumb. today shows like "everybody loves raymond", "king of queens" and such continue to portray men as simple and women and bitchy. it is a stereotype neither sex relishes.

i am not saying women are in the wrong. absolutely not. i am, however, idealistic enough to think that there could be honest reflection and discussion without polarizing each other as we grapple with gender roles, confusion and expectations. this is just the tip of the iceberg. i think it would be interesting to read a woman's struggle to find her own identity. one of my close female friends last night said that girls have been brainwashed to believe that everyone of them had to be tougher than a man, able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, yet still fit into a size 3 outfit. in a pluralistic world of gender confusion, sexual ambiguity, and poor role models we need to grapple with these issues. churches have been afraid to talk about sexual issues and sexuality, relying on ancient stereotypes to dictate. we live in a highly sexual and oft times devient world, lets talk about it...

started playing hockey today. first time in decades...literally. oh ya, it was going to be a friendly match. just me, my bud brander and a few guys who play in the whl! i hate brander.
funniest thing that happened was that i was bemoaning to brander how it was 12:40 and i wasn't sure i was going to make the last twenty minutes without hurling. he looked at me and said... it's 12:05! i really hate brander.

rick takes my last blog a little further here.

I watched the "Muppets Christmas Carol" last week. it, along with "emmit otter's christmas", are probably my favorite christmas programs.
There are many versions of this tale but this one is by far the most authentic. Who could not believe that Charles Dickens was a Muppet?

There are many poignant lessons to be found in this old story, even if the story is played out by puppets. Foremost in my mind is the interchange which happens between Scrooge and his ghosts; the moments of clarity in a life squandered. As Scrooge watches the folly of his life unfold, as slowly the gravity of his selfishness begins to dawn on him, we watch as outsiders as he slowly begins to unravel. It becomes apparent what is seeping into his mind. We see the emotions play over his face and body. Scrooge is slowing coming to grips with the fact that he is a fool, and worse. He has given up any chance for happiness or romance. He has alienated his family, his community and his soul. Scrooge has become a bitter wretch of a man. The ghost of his past has dismantled his ego, has convinced him of his worthlessness.

It must be a terrible thing to be haunted by the ghost of one�s past. Who would want to have their past indiscretions dragged up in public. Who would wish to see the ramifications of all of their past mistakes layed out before their eyes. It is a terrible thing to see how one�s life may have had success, joy and contentment had things gone differently� to know the regret of a life squandered.

The sad fact is that few of us need a visit by a spirit to reount our past failings. We are masters at remembering our shortcomings. It is not necessary for most of us that someone points out our faults, we are keenly aware of our failings, often keeping a mental list, exhaustive in it�s scope and subjectivity. We replay the past, again and again. We see it projected on the screen of our minds. We live with regrets. I have many�

Regret over marriage. Imagining how much happier your life would have been if you had married someone other that person sitting next to you. Or if you�d never married that person you�re divorced from.
� Regret over divorce. Regret over broken relationships of all kinds.
� Regret over mistakes you made raising your kids.
� Regret over bad career moves, missed business opportunities, poor vocational choices.
� Regret at not following God�s call to the ministry, or His call to become a missionary.
� In general, regret over all kinds of sins and their consequences. [You fill in the blank].

For most of my life I subconsciously hated who I was. It affected my relationships, my career choices, my marriage. The intrinsic scream for acceptance drove me to deny my own value. I turned to drugs, exaggeration and other desperate attempts in a sick attempt to fill the hole in my heart.

So much of my early church experience was replete with guilt. going to church only served to reinforce my insecurities. Anything good in me is from god. Anything despicable i can claim as my own. "For i know that nothing good lives in me".

Romans 7:18 I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. (niv).

I am sinful, I am worthless outside of the grace of God. Time and time again this theology is hammered home, Sunday after Sunday.
As a counsellor I have seen firsthand the effects of self-loathing. It is apparent to anyone in this field that virtually everyone battles feelings of insecurity and years of self-doubt. Coming to terms with one�s self is perhaps the hardest internal battle that we as humans will fight.

We have grown up in a world keenly aware of vanity. To promote oneself is considered arrogance or bragging. The good citizen is self-effacing, even self-loathing. Don�t forget to think of other people before you think about yourself. Love is a wonderful thing, unless it is self-love.

What a surprise it is, then, that we have generation after generation of people who are insecure. Almost everyone I have ever known has stuggled to accept and appreciate their own worth. I know personally that I am far more apt to believe one piece of criticism than I am to accept ten compliments. This attitude, bordering on self-loathing, is sociologically and psychologically ingrained in each of us. We have become a generation of insecure, self-depracating, attention-seeking, emotional children.

"women aren't as smart as they think. they have no idea how little we actually know."

for all you women who have been anxiously waiting, here's the one stop guide to peeing standing up! (kinda graphic actually)

reading "the present future, 6 tough questions for the church". Here's my first quote as i bang through the first chapter -
"a growing number of people are leaving the intitutional church for a new reason. they are not leaving because they have lost faith. they are leaving the church to preserve their faith. they contend that the church no longer contributes to their spiritual development. in fact, they say, quite the opposite is true. the number of "post-congregational" christians is growing."

it is not surprising the number of people i run into who are spiritual but not christian; or christians but not church goers. the fallback prognosis has generally been that religious leaders believe such individuals to be lazy, unresponsive, luke-warm. it is another thing altogether to admit perhaps the problem is far more complex.

last night a friend took me again to fahrenheit 9/11. spiderman had just come out but nonetheless the room was filled to capacity, largely with younger adults and teenagers. it is interesting to note that in our last federal election the overaching excuse for poor voter turnout was apathy. yet as we sat in the theatre it seemed ironic that so many young non-voters would fill a theatre to see a political movie. what if the problem went beyond apathy? what if the problem was less simplistic, perhaps stemming from sources other than laziness; sources such as anger, frustration, angst? it is a far simpler thing to blame the voter than the process.

harken back to the initial evaluation of church attendence as seen in the above quote. it is an easy thing to belittle the next generations for poor church attendence. labelling the people who do not get up on sunday morning to get to church is simple. but what if the problem was far more complicated, more subtle? perhaps stemming from sources other than laziness; sources such as anger, frustration, angst? it is a far simpler thing to blame the voter than the process.

"are you getting prettier or am i just lowering my standards."

jordon has some penetrating opinions about churches, the net, and technology...

"So many church leaders I talk to are out of touch with technology. Partly because they see technology as being computers. Technology is not about computers, it is about people communicating with each other but they refuse to see that. I think it because of a couple reasons and fear is the first. They can read Time magazine about Howard Dean and Meet-Ups and his blog or read the weekly USA Today or NY Times article about blogging and social software and ignore it. Looking around they see that no one else their age has a weblog and not too many people in their church outside of the teens are talking about it. While they know it is out there, they don't have to learn it... yet. Most pastors I know are simply baffled by new technology." read the whole article here.