so i was telling a friend that we are such connoissers of shampoo that we don't even use that cheap crap - pert plus. we use the generic equivalent from superstore called "pret" -- you know a pert ripoff. they commented, "isn't pret just french for pert?" of course i defended the fact that it may in fact be french but it's certainly the generic equivalent of pert.

so i'm in the shower, getting ready to use my cheap "pret" when i slowly turned the bottle.... that's right, it was the french side... it was pert. i'm an idiot.

really idiotic when you consider i've been buying "pret" for years...

I hope that you have days of sunshine, all in a row.
That you forget what the rain was like.
When the rains come, because it will, that you will have shelter.
I wish that you would have a day to lay on a beach, dig you toes in the hot sand until you find the coolness underneath and be able to stay there until the sun sets.

read the rest of the wishes from sushi here.

what was your weirdest gift?
mine was a pink and silver boa from fellow blogger james goudie. what are you telling me james?

susan phillips also gave me a painting set. curse her. my parents went and showed her some painting i did years ago. now i'm going to have to at least honor the gift enough to try it out... next thing you know i'll be asked to take up personal development!

a friend gave nathan a blow up homer punching bag. i have explained to him that he should not refer to it as his 'blow up homer love doll'... sick kid!

well got to go. jordon and wendy cooper sent us "corner gas" and it's playing in the background. if you are from the prairies it's very subtly funny. you might not get it if you have never lived in rural saskatchewan but for me it's freakin deja vu!

oh ya, jordon and wendy. the kids were in charge of wrapping gifts so your stuff is under the tree. at current williams procrastination standards don't expect it for a week!

best to all this day. hopefully you can put aside the crap of life for a few hours and reflect on what's important. i plan to.

scott

i hope your christmas is filled with peace.
peace from the psychotic gift buying.
peace from the rumors and pain.
peace from fear and depression.
peace for a few moments.
holy moments.

here is my favorite, haunting, christmas carol...

In the bleak midwinter, frosty wind made moan,
Earth stood hard as iron, water like a stone;
Snow had fallen, snow on snow, snow on snow,
In the bleak midwinter, long ago.

Our God, heaven cannot hold Him, nor earth sustain;
Heaven and earth shall flee away when He comes to reign.
In the bleak midwinter a stable place sufficed
The Lord God Almighty, Jesus Christ.

Enough for Him, Whom cherubim, worship night and day,
Breastful of milk, and a mangerful of hay;
Enough for Him, Whom angels fall before,
The ox and ass and camel which adore.

Angels and archangels may have gathered there,
Cherubim and seraphim thronged the air;
But His mother only, in her maiden bliss,
Worshipped the beloved with a kiss.

What can I give Him, poor as I am?
If I were a shepherd, I would bring a lamb;
If I were a Wise Man, I would do my part;
Yet what I can I give Him: give my heart.

peace.

I remember the year I got my cassette deck for christmas.
I was 13 or 14 years old and I get this cassette deck. Very cool for the day but they only gave my one cassette – an anne murray cassette. What were they smoking when they came up with that idea?
so I’m in a dilemma – I really want to use the cassette deck. My parents want to see me use the cassette deck. I should use the cassette deck. So here I am, used to listening to Rush or ACDC or Black Sabbath and I’m singing along with “oh little snowbird take me with you when you go, to the land of gentle breezes where the peaceful something something.

All that expectation and I’m singing Canadian folk music…

i need to apologize for my lack of blogging zeal this month. i am definitely still a hard core blogging nerd, it's just that i was away, and now that i'm back it's been hard to pick up the pen, figuratively speaking.

like many of you i have alot going on in my life right now and don't always trust myself to write with objectivity and impunity. i have often been guilty of airing my laundry in situations where it is inappropriate. recently i am learning that it is better to err on the side of silence. it's far too easy to talk and talk and talk about every little piece of information or thought in my life without any particular reason. it's not hard to babble and spout and whine and bicker and gossip and moan. recently i am learning that it is better to err on the side of silence. i'm beginning to finally understand that old maxim - it is better to keep silent and be thought a fool then to speak up and remove all doubt. ouch.

that's hard for me. hard for many of us. when we perceive injustice or hear our name mentioned it is our natural inclination to fight back, to defend, to make excuse. like all of us, i have done this and often the results have backfired. people begin to understand that you cannot keep a confidence or they wonder what you are saying when they are not in ear shot. they secretly question your ability to control your life or your tongue. they wonder why you just won't shut up about other people.

it is no wonder that the bible spends so much time talking about self control.

parents of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

from a friend:
When four of Santa's elves got sick, and the trainee elves did not produce the toys as fast as the regular ones, Santa was beginning to feel the pressure of being behind schedule.
Then Mrs. Claus told Santa that her Mom was coming to visit. This stressed Santa even more.
When he went to harness the reindeer, he found that three of them were about to give birth and two had jumped the fence and were out, heaven knows where.
More stress.
Then when he began to load the sleigh one of the boards cracked, and the toy bag fell to the ground and scattered the toys.
So frustrated, Santa went into the house for a cup of apple cider and a shot of rum. When he went to the cupboard, he discovered that the elves had hidden the liquor, and there was nothing to drink.
In his frustration, he accidentally dropped the cider pot and it broke into hundreds of little pieces all over the kitchen floor. He went to get the broom and found that mice had eaten the straw end of the broom.
Just then the doorbell rang and an irritable Santa trudged to the door. He opened the door and there was a little angel with a great big Christmas tree.
The angel said, very cheerfully, "Merry Christmas, Santa. Isn't it a lovely day? I have a beautiful tree for you. Where would you like me to stick it?"
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.

like many of us i have often been guilty of living my life to impress others. living and acting and thinking in order to make sure other people will approve of me. unfortunately many of us are guilty of letting others determine how we ultimately feel about ourselves.

i am a controversial person. opinions about me tend to be rather polarized. it has been hard sometimes not to become intrinsically polarized as well. to let the feelings of people who i ultimately will never be close life friends with dictate how i feel about myself. as a pastor i have usually let others determine for me my own value. people who, as you look back years later, really weren't your friend, or have gone their own way. i have been left wondering why i let that person or persons opinions have such an impact on my life.

when times are going well it seems that it is easier to feel good about ourselves. when we are valued and affirmed we tend to feel better about our own value. but it is a trap. for when the worm turns, however, unfortunately i have been guilty of the same problem. in the periods of my life when things have gone poorly, or i am not as popular, or even controversial, i have often found that it has been hard to love myself, to see my own self worth. when i am criticized or unloved or slammed it is easy to internalize that criticism and let it change my essence.

i truly believe that integrity is important. but hopefully i have learned some things in these days that have helped me to come to terms with who i am. i find lately that there are fewer and fewer people who i feel obligated to impress. fewer and fewer acquaintances whose opinions matter. there are those who love me unconditionally, who have earned the right to speak into my life. i know they love me and will always love me and it is easier to hear their feelings than the feelings of a pseudo-friend.

but even that can be a bit of a trap - i am still learning.
learning that ultimately i need to stand in front of God alone. and in that moment the feelings others have towards me won't matter. what will only matter is how God feels.

learning that integrity is an internal matter. no one else can know what is really going on in your heart. no one else has the right to determine who you are. no one else has to live in your skin. no one else has the whole picture of your life.

learning that people love to believe in you. and they love to believe things about you.

learning that it's more important to have a clean conscience then the friendship of people. many of this world's best people were misunderstood or slandered. ultimately it's better to be able to believe in yourself and love yourself than have others believe in you or love you.

i don't mean this in a despondent way at all. as i learn more about life and myself i am simply realizing more and more that others cannot be the source of my joy or my self worth.
God loves us and consistently believes in us.
somehow, sometime, that needs to be enough.

home at last. boring weeks but good to sleep and catch up. find i have too much energy. cleaned behind the fridge and stove, washed baseboards, etc. i'm such a puss.

i sat at a table this afternoon with 3 old friends. friends from a time ago, friends for life. it was if we had never said goodbye. probably most of us have friends like this.

there is the family that we are born into, and the families we choose. i have lived in several places and after i have moved, when the dust has cleared, there are usually one or two friends who you maintain any regular contact with. it's a fact of life. we make grandiose promises, but reality is usually different. i see most of my distant best friends only infrequently - steve or eldon or dave or jordon or jason, but when you do get together it's memorable. we know each other's crap, somehow time has erased much of the posing. friends know you and love you anyway. they love you by choice. it reminds you that you have value, lasting marketability as a friend. it's a privilege.

one of best friends, steve price, is finally cashing in his virginity and getting married at the tender age of 35. the williams boys will be heading out to calgary/inveremere tomorrow morning sometime. may not be regularly blogging for a couple of weeks. many of us are very proud of steve, a good looking, employed man of integrity who has remained pure through so many temptations.
when he brought his prospective bride out to meet us we told her -- FINALLY!

from tomorrow's talk...

Philippians 2
If you've gotten anything at all out of following Christ, if his love has made any difference in your life, if being in a community of the Spirit means anything to you, if you have a heart, if you care-
then do me a favor: Agree with each other, love each other, be deep-spirited friends.
Don't push your way to the front; don't sweet-talk your way to the top.
Put yourself aside, and help others get ahead.
Don't be obsessed with getting your own advantage.
Forget yourselves long enough to lend a helping hand.
Think of yourselves the way Christ Jesus thought of himself.
He had equal status with God but didn't think so much of himself that he had to cling to the advantages of that status no matter what.
Not at all.
When the time came, he set aside the privileges of deity and took on the status of a slave, became human!
Having become human, he stayed human.
It was an incredibly humbling process.
He didn't claim special privileges.
Instead, he lived a selfless, obedient life and then died a selfless, obedient death--and the worst kind of death at that: a crucifixion.
Because of that obedience, God lifted him high and honored him far beyond anyone or anything, ever, so that all created beings in heaven and on earth--even those long ago dead and buried--will bow in worship before this Jesus Christ, and call out in praise that he is the Master of all, to the glorious honor of God the Father.

susan came up to me during the prep for the parade last night and said, "you have a very cool church."
it's not my church by i get what she said.
the parade was a sloppy "hurry up and wait" 15 hour day that was amazing. people from all walks of life made decorations, hung wood, handed out flyers and went all out for our crazy rock and roll float. sometimes in the mess of relationships and the constant grind of sundays you forget that there are moments like that. times when a family of friends band together to do something bigger than they are individually. somehow it reminds me what community is all about.
pictures to follow.

83 emails since 10 am this morning. am i winning?

driving home from the parade last night i suddenly realized that sometime in the coming year i will probably preach my 1000th sermon. the numbers add up. it's weird. and i wondered what has been accomplished by my getting up and ranting 1000 times. 1000 preparations, 1000 times stepping in front of people. 1000 topics (ok so there are like 8 topics redone a 1000 times).
it's an interesting thought. does speaking in public still accomplish anything or is it an archaic leftover from a time when people really found value in such endeavors?

may not be blogging much today. the mission parade is tonight and as usual new heights has the biggest, loudest float in the city parade. going to be loading thousands of dollars of sound equipment onto a 46 ft. trailer, loading up musicians and people and heading downtown. every year as we turn the corner on to the parade route we say, "READY?" and we hit the first song. thousands of people turn simultaneously to hear the racket. usually the parade stalls just as we round the corner in front of tim hortons and we play almost our entire set. it's a street party, except for the old people and some of the christians watching... holding their ears.
this year our theme is "everyday angels" and along with the assortment of angel pics we have angels dressed up in leather, some as street people, some as .... well you get it.

did i mention we were loud?

for the weirdo who has everything... bottle farts!

via rob's blog:
A mafioso's son sits at his desk writing a Christmas list to Jesus. He first writes, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy the whole year, so I want a new..." He looks at it, then crumples it up into a ball and throws it away. He gets out a new piece of paper and writes again, "Dear baby Jesus, I have been a good boy for most of the year, so I want a new..." He again looks at it with disgust and throws it away.He then gets an idea. He goes into his mother's room, takes a statue of the Virgin Mary, puts it in the closet, and locks the door. He takes another piece of paper and writes, "Dear baby Jesus. If you ever want to see your mother again..."

"do nothing out of selfishness or vain conceit"

ouch!

i am realizing that so much of what i do is self serving. i tend to love expecting something in return. it's christmas - we give and often expect something back. it's a cycle we all deal with. my relationships, my sexual desires, my parenting are all subject to a modicum of self interest.

even my relationship with God is often motivated by 'what God can do for me'.

everyday people leave churches because they aren't getting "their needs met". though sometimes this is a legitimate concern many of us have come to understand that our culture has become a slave to the consumer mindset. much of what we do in the name of God is about us. take the whole area of worship for example. so many believers worship seeking a spiritual drug, a religious euphoria to hold them over until the next encounter. we seek to know God, to experience the mystical union - all very noble aspirations, but largely motivated by our selfish need to feel and be "blessed".

i am mindful of an old keith green song (i am the one person who knows of keith green that thought he sucked, but these lyrics are great). it went something like, "bless me lord, bless me lord, you know that's all i ever hear. no one aches, no one pains, no even sheds one tear. but he leaps he pleads and he cares for our needs. jesus rose from the dead, but you can't even get out of bed."

the charismatic ideal of spiritual highs has twisted our worship. pure worship needs to be about him, not me at all. there needs to be an understanding that i am basically a selfish pig, seeking to get beyond my petty grievances and insecurity. i need to call into question my desires and my motivations, especially in my spiritual journey.

as to the rest of my life, it's a journey as well. a journey of self discovery learning to die to my need to be accepted and loved. i am realizing that many of our relationships our narcissistic at their core. marriages are vain attempts to suck acceptance out of an equally insecure partner. friendships are motivated by self interest. my forays into the limelight are often peppered by the desire for adulation.

i think it's true that most of us are basically selfish little children. i know that i am.

on my road to self understanding i am spending some quality time examining my heart. it is my desire, and probably yours too, to be healthy enough to live independent of others opinions; though how reasonable that expectation is, i am not sure. i want to be able to be an unselfish lover and friend who is not first and foremost striving to look after my own needs. it is my dream that i will be healthy enough that the few friends in my inner circle know they are completely loved, no strings attached. it is the call in my heart to agape love, to the death of self.

i am not there by a long shot.