how jedi are you? :: by lawrie malen

via yoda kevin

this article evokes vastly different responses depending on which gender you are talking to...

here's a sample to get you started -
A new AARP survey of divorced people older than 40 finds that, contrary to the cliche that men leave their wives after years of marriage, women are the ones doing the leaving. In droves.
Sixty-six percent of the women reported that they had been the one to initiate the divorce, 21 percent said the spouse had initiated it and 12 percent said it was a joint decision. (work out the math)

read more here.

50 bucks to fill up with gas today. i feel violated...

Dear Pat Robertson,

Your recent comments and many others over the years consistently advocate a policy of violence and murder. This week you pleaded for the murder of the elected leader of Venezuela for no other reason than he disagrees with the United States, and in the past you threatened to nuke the U.S. State Department. As a Pastor and media personality your public comments offer a view of the church and Christ to the outside world that is contrary to the Gospel, the Love of Christ, and the entire Bible. I am shocked that this is not a single isolated incidence but a pattern that seems to represent a love of violence, a corruption of power, and deceptive use of authority. Your theology that so easily seeks the death of others is not only wrong but is heresy.

read the rest of van's response here.

i was listening to chuck swindol preach this week about healing. he was speaking to specific groups - those who were hurting, in bad relationships, the divorced. he made a statement that i clung on to. he was speaking of those who were divorced and assumed that they had all suffered the same loss - their spouce had walked out on them. they were obviously the abandoned, the dispossessed. at first i responded to the words, at first i felt their healing balm. at first.

as i drove home i wondered about the other category - those who had left their marriage. it strikes close to home for me. it is very easy for me to be judgmental or condemning. it was easy to give little credence to the other side. in some ways i have made a habit of it.

as i processed these ideas i thought of the other side of the equation and my heart began to go out to those who had to call it quits. it's hard to be in that position, there is undoubtedly little support or encouragement from the religious community. i have not run across books addressed to this heartache. there seems to be no one talking for this dispossessed group. certainly not me.

it is probably not an easy thing to walk away from a marriage; regardless of abuse or pain or beatings or the life deadening effects of some relationships. it's easy for me to label and characterize those who have pulled the plug without even desiring to understand or empathize. i am too often the counsellor or the recipient of the other side. i project my own pain on these situations and have a hard time even understanding the depths of suffering that would precipitate leaving.

my heart goes out to those of you who are divorced, regardless of which side you were on. the pain, the rejection and the condemnation is not restricted to one position. i have often witnessed, sometimes with a great level of discomfort, the tragic effects of relationships gone bad. i too have felt the inexhaustible pain.

for those of you who have had to walk away, i am sorry for judging you. many of us have. unhindered by all the information we have been quick to draw conclusions. i sometimes struggle to understand and often feel a level of theological angst but i am realizing that you feel the pain of loss as well. you understand the death of love, the loss of hopes and dreams as much as we do. you too are victims, often of heinous misunderstanding and abuse.

we have all made mistakes. we are all guilty. we are all innocent.

we are all human.

coming this november...

i think it was plato who said, 'better a dissatisfied socrates than a satisfied pig." he was wrong.

better to go through life satisfied without thinking than to spend one's life miserable in introspection...

got this link from jason. this site should be spammed. doesn't sound like any gospel i ever heard...

can't imagine jesus saying the london bombings were a good thing or spitting venom at 'fags'.

...no wonder people hate christians...

it's been a year since i received a significant healing in my life... and what a year...

i remember my first canoe trip with a good friend from georgia. it was an amazing experience, just two guys for a week of whitewater and hanging out. the trip meant alot to me.

my friend had never been in whitewater before, or for that matter, a canoe as far as i can recall. i was there to show him the 'j' stroke, the draw, pry, high bracing, skulling, ferrying and a myriad other little canoeing tricks. he was a natural.

during the trip we encountered several challenging pieces of whitewater. i remember that i would ask him if he thought we should do certain stretches and he always responded with virtually the same answer, 'oh ya!'. how could i refuse such confidence? i knew far better than he the inherent risks but also factored in other variables including his enthusiasm and off we would go.

after the trip i asked him about his amazing confidence. he simply informed me that he knew i could do any of the sets easily, so there was really no risk involved. how little he knew the truth...

i see that mythical confidence in my canoeing ability whenever i take out new recruits. they have talked to a few of the old timers, they know i have been doing whitewater for twenty-five years, they hear the stories and they too believe that nothing could go wrong. i see that a bit in my sons eyes as he commands the bow of my boat. he knows we will never tip, no matter how psycho the water, because dad will always pull us out. i wish i shared his confidence. and every year that we come home from a trip without wiping out, the myth, grows. it's been three years and growing.

there is sure to come a time when he and i bite it on a trip. it is statistically inevitable. and on that day the myth will die. and he will know i am just another guy, albeit a canoeing god (haha).

i wonder how often we set each other up. we create myths of invulnerability and unrealistic expectations. then we are shocked when those whom we have worshipped crash in the waves.

we never really gave them a chance to be human. we believed in their myths, we talked to a few old-timers, and we put them on a pedastal from which they would surely fall.

and we are crushed.

and it is their fault although they never asked for the plaudits, never believed their own myths...

just back from ntla.
some traditions are better left in the past. i have, for several years now, had the tradition of being stung by a wasp on every canoe trip. this year i figured i had survived without incident until we were literally packing up the canoes in a parking lot, a lone wasp out of nowhere attacks me... in the parking lot... and stings me for no reason. i suck.

heading out on the old ntla (no tan line annual) canoe trip tomorrow so blogging may be scarce. back on monday next.

just got the letter of encouragement and the tea. this cup's for you erin...

several years ago i would boast that i had an incredible memory. school was easy for me, facts seemed to stay in my mind indefinitely. i had an incredible grasp of useless information. i miss those days.

5 years ago i went on some medication that seemed to play havoc with my ability to remember anything. i remember (or do i?) one time having an appointment with my friend liz and she called to confirm only 30 minutes prior to our coffee engagement. not only did i blow off the appointment but i could not, for the life of me, remember either the initial conversation nor the confirmation call just minutes before we were to meet. any explanation as to my forgetting seemed, even to me, to be lame and bordering on a lie. but i just could not remember. really. since that time i have struggled constantly to retain information and can only look back on my memory as a distant... memory.

while it is easy to imagine how such a thing could be a serious detriment to one's life, it seems to have an upside as well. i tend to forget slights and insults quickly, i forget hurts too. things that have been said to or about me seem to hold less sway in my psyche. some things are better forgotten.

some of us can remember every failing in another. we can recall with crystal clarity any hurt or wrong word said to us. i once had a person write me a 13 page, 23 paragraph diatribe listing every negative thing they could ever remember me doing, spanning almost 20 years. when they asked for my response i had to tell them i honestly could not remember a bulk of what they recounted. it only upset them further, how could i be so insensitive?

it must be a horrible thing to remember such a vast array of familial and relational hurts. to be able to call back a long list of wrongs, even those supposively forgiven or forgotten, is not necessarily a healthy thing. the compunction to obsess and stew must be overwhelming. i am glad god is not like we are.

i have a hard time forgiving. i think most of us do. it is more fun to call up a list of others faults and misdeeds and gossip to my friends then it is to take a serious look at myself, my pain, and my motivations. i have been hurt by others. you have been hurt by others. you may have even been hurt by me. the thing is... i will probably forget the incident but you won't.

Remember when the days were long
And rolled beneath a deep blue sky
Didn't have a care in the world
With mommy and daddy standin' by
But "happily ever after" fails
And we've been poisoned by these fairy tales
The lawyers dwell on small details
Since daddy had to fly

But I know a place where we can go
That's still untouched by men
We'll sit and watch the clouds roll by
And the tall grass wave in the wind
You can lay your head back on the ground
And let your hair fall all around me
Offer up your best defense
But this is the end
This is the end of the innocence

if someone at work says you're sexy you should consider it a compliment... unless you're a prison guard... then you should just run away.

one of my best friends, and maybe the smartest guy i know, is having a really hard time right now. you can get the skinny here but i would appreciate it if you would pray for him if you have a minute.

maybe pray for wendy too because jordon is probably whining alot!

people come, and people go.
i have had the misfortune/fortune of living in several locales. i have said goodbye to many friends, some for a short time, others forever. it is the way life is. everyone is temporary except a few with whom you keep contact. you may be fortunate enough to live your days in one spot, to grow up and grow old with the same people, but i have not. i'm not complaining, it's just life.

this weekend i drove with wes and connie gibson to powell river on the sunshine coast. as i said goodbye for a long time i was cognizant again of the fleeting fortunes of friendship. i will love them for life but see them less than i wish. my god-daughter amy will be older the next time i see her. i hope she remembers who i am.

there are people, fewer than most of us imagine, who are not surprised at your sins, not impressed by your boasts. they know you too well to believe all your stories but still enough to believe in you. i have some people in my life who are like that.

i hate sucking up to people.

we all have 'friends' who we feel we need to impress. there are hoops around their hearts, steps and conditions on your friendship which force you to have to perform or act a certain way. they are easily disappointed in you. i have some people in my life who are like that as well. we all do. and as much as we try to say all the right things and jump through all the right hoops we are only one failed moment away from garnering their disappointment.

like many of us i have lived much of my life in the shadow of disappointment. it induced my insecurities, forced me to second-guess my motivations and actions and stifled the joy of life. there was always one more act to perform or one more hole to fill. i have lived my life to impress or distress others, always conscious of the fact that people had an opinion of me.

it seems everyone has an opinion of me. they have a comment or two about the way my life is going, the decisions i have made and am making, my personality etc. some, a rare few, seem to think i can do no wrong. others cannot believe i ever get anything right. many talk to their friends about how i am doing and wonder at a few of my motivations. i know because so many of their friends rat them out to me. you have people who have opinions about you as well. people talk... and talk... and talk.

frankly i'm tired of living my life for others. there i said it. it may be right, it may be holy, it may be dysfunctional, i'm not sure anymore. i just know that the more time i spend trying to make people love me the more i feel like i have prostituted myself. you don't have to agree with everything in my life (i would be worried if you did) but a true friend loves you in spite of who are are, not because of who you are. my true friends have proven time and again they will be there, regardless of how i perform. the rest can go screw themselves. i love what my good friend greg said to me on thursday when i asked him if we could be friends even if we disagree on key issues. he said, "heck i disagree with you on most things but i still love you."

now that is a friend.

if you would like info on the upcoming club or club church drop me a line at club365@gmail.com for more information.
is it a dance club? is it a concert? is it a church?

african-american, female, francophone, immigrant, 48 yr old new commander-in-chief. what a cool country.

one of my best friends in the world is a weirdo named eldon. eldon is not subtle. i never have to ask where i am at in his world. he is brutally honest with me. i get eldon. he is an amazing guy who loves with his whole heart. when you are around him you smile alot. people love to be around this guy because he is truly alive, very vibrant, and emotionally available. this rant is not for him.

passive-aggressive people frustrate me. they make me feel dumb. they leave me wondering how dense i have become.

i have people in my life, and i am sure you do as well, who simply cannot come out and tell me how they really feel. they 'beat around the bush' as they say, drop hints, take cheap shots, and generally leave me in a state of confusion. they have no idea how difficult it can be to understand what they are truly trying to express. and god help you if you miss it...

i don't think people realize the shear volume of passive-aggressive people that clergy are forced to deal with. it is hard to comprehend how many hints we are asked to pick up on in any given week. to be honest it is much easier, after a while, to listen only to the overt people. i simply do not have the mental energy to spend my life 'guessing' whatever the hell you are trying to tell me. be honest.

inasmuch as i am no longer in full time ministry i feel it is finally safe to say that which pastors are so afraid to say: quit trying to control with your passive-aggressive innuendo. i am not your husband or dad who you could not be honest with. i 'get it' when you joke about the appointment i missed a long time ago when my life was a mess. i really don't know how you feel, i don't read minds. i know i'm forgetful, you don't need to use sarcasm to remind me. i am far to adhd to spend my life trying to interpret what is happening 24/7. be honest.

be honest. don't be afraid. your opinions matter and it is fine if you want to come across strong. most of us can handle it more than you think. you are frustrated that you are not really heard but you do not understand communication skills enough to have a voice. speak to us. yell if you have to but please don't assume too much. don't wait until you want to walk out on your marriage before you say what needed to be said years ago. don't give up on a friend who doesn't seem to get you if you have not been brutally honest. don't hide. you matter. be bold. we can take it.