he's not pretty, but he is my friend

Scare the be-Jesus INTO dirty, sinful, hellbound, unsaved children and their liberal sicko parents when they knock on your door this Halloween! Choose from one of our five True Christian® Halloween masks. It's simple! Just click on your favorite one and download the Adobe PDF file. Print it out and start cutting with your scissors. . . then find you a string! Slip on the mask right away and start witnessing to your co-workers! Glory!

link here.

other great landover halloween traditions include hosting a book burning
and halloween tips for witnessing! (Wait for unsaved children to come to your door and hurl a bucket full of warm lamb's blood (goat or dog blood can be substituted later in the night if you run out) all over their hair and faces. Shout - "I plead the power of the Blood of the Perfect Lamb over you! Take that! FOUL DEMON!")

When I gave up being a teaching pastor at a Southern California megachurch eight years ago, the people around me were a bit perplexed. After all, as jobs in professional ministry go, working at Mariners was a dream--big building, big budget, big salary. What wasn’t to like?

Maybe I was burned out, they reasoned. I’d probably just take a break for a while, but I’d be back. I was bound to get over my ministry midlife crisis eventually, right?

But when months turned into years and I still hadn’t been added to anyone’s payroll, more than a few eyebrows went up. And then there was the online community I kept talking about, TheOoze.com. Sure, it was an interesting idea, but it was hardly a career move.

Back when I was leaving Mariners the buzzword was relevant. It’s what every church was striving to be. Everywhere you looked churches were changing their music, their marketing and even their ministry philosophy to be more relevant. Today, church leaders are still frantically pursuing the relevancy rabbit. But when those efforts don’t pan out as expected, church leaders are quick to blame “consumerism.” What’s the problem with the church today? People. They want too much and they’re never satisfied.


But is that really it?

the rest here

Yesterday I argued that pastoring might be harder than other forms of leadership. In a way I believe that, simply because the North American church is in such a mess overall and there are few transformational leaders. Scott pushed back, though, and argued that I'm wrong. "lately i have been re-examining the whole sacred/secular leadership issue and am wondering if in fact leading a church 'may be harder' than leading an organization."

Now, Scott isn't smart enough to tell the difference between a picture of me and Jordon, but in this case he just may be right. Eugene Peterson seems to agree with him...

the rest here.

... now if i could only convince the rest of the world.

cruise ship in crap

pernell got this letter:
While you emergents may not see the problem with a coffee shop church, there is no reverence in a coffee shop. There is no preparedness for holy worship in secular surroundings. There needs to be a purifying and preparation for worship and being in a coffee shop and chatting is not the place. We are to come into His gates with thanksgiving and praise, but in this type of setting as worship, just is not acceptable.

If you continue to go downhill as this has been, the next place you will see an emergent church "emerge" is in a restroom... because the emergent church is taking the Church of God down the toilet."
the rest of the drivel here.

maybe after the toilet we can go to a party... or a wedding... or a hill.... or a synagogue or a funeral, or a boat.

i'm been thinking about "ministry" this week as i have a close friend getting ordained this weekend. his father was my sponsor many years ago, it seems, at my own ordination. last year it was this same person who was there too when i decided to quit the ordained ministry. full circle.
it doesn't seem to matter much to me anymore, though on weeks like this i am left to ponder the significance, or lack thereof of the religious process.

i talked with my friend this week about the whole ordination thing. there was a time when ordination defined an entire socio-religious caste system. the good old days when a minister could have someone put in stocks. not so much anymore. today it is a sense of calling, of a fulfillment and inauguration of a journey. it is a murky credential in a confused world.

it's hard to fully grasp the ramifications of ordination. there is a sense of "setting apart" that most ministers are quick to dismiss, but secretly value. to believe that many ministers do not covet the status is nievete to the extreme. it is the sense of being special, the first among many so-called equals. an authority.

i know people, some quite well, who secretly thrive on the imposed authority. they won't admit it, but it's all about status. it helps to fill their sick holes in their ego and the insecurity they live with. i am glad my friend is not one of those people.

i will probably go to see the gig on sunday. i won't go on stage to lay hands on him, that is no longer my privilege. But i will quietly celebrate the sense of calling, the humble desire to serve, that my friend owns.

I don’t have a clue what the profit margins are like on the iPod, but $10 doesn’t strike me as a lot of money. Let’s be realistic. It’s not. Here’s the choice: You can lay out $200, get a new iPod, and contribute $10 to a good cause. Or, you can just contribute the $10. We believe we can get 1000 people to donate $10 each. We’d like $10 from everyone in the developed world, but we’ll settle for you, and everyone you know. And when we’re done, we’ll pass the money--all of it--along to the Stephen Lewis Foundation."
the rest here.

why tithe?

free enneagram test

i remember the first time i ever got laid off from a job. at the time i did not qualify for unemployment and i had a family to feed. i walked out of the office, and walked out to my car. and threw up. it wasn't personal, my boss was a great dude. it was just business.

the rest of the day there was a huge tightness in my chest. i had never had a panic attack before, but for some reason it was easy to recognize the symptoms.

i had never needed a job before. had never had to look for work. had never worried about my next paycheck. things always worked out. i was creative and innovative. i had been a minister. there were no unemployment issues. i tried to relate to people who struggled to find work, but it was mostly theory.

til today.

it's hard not to feel like a loser. 8 years of post-secondary education, 21 years at one post, now i'm unemployed. it was only a contract i worked, but to be fair it was 95% of my income from one contract. i have 3 other businesses going but none of them makes money. newly married. freaked out.

i try to pray but it's hard.

"Lord, remember not only the men of good will, but also those of ill will. But do not remember all the suffering they have inflicted upon us. Remember rather the fruits we have brought, thanks to this suffering: our comradeship, our loyalty, our humility, the courage, the generosity, the greatness of heart that has grown out of this. And when they come to judgment, let all the fruits we have bourne be their forgiveness."

—Found on a scrap of wrapping paper at the liberation
of Ravensbruck Concentration Camp

via

i remember when the church i was in hit 200. we had been doing a binder called "breaking the 200 barrier" which, when melted down, basically proposed the concept that the pastor of a church over 200 has to learn how to be a c.e.o. he (or she) had to let go of the value of knowing everyone, larger churches delegate - pastors work with leaders who in turn disseminate the information. if you wanted to break the 200 barrier, you had to learn to do business.

i remember when the church i was in hit 400. we had been doing a binder called "breaking the 400 barrier" which, when melted down, basically proposed the concept that the pastor of the church over 400 had to be more ruthless with delegation than the pastor of a church of 200. if you wanted to break the 400 barrier, you had to learn to dominate business.

i volunteer at club now. we're not even sure it's a church, and frankly we don't care. we don't have a flyer describing ourselves as "missional" ( i hate that term) or post-modern. for that matter, we don't have any flyers. there is no sunday school, no boards or committees; although the place we meet is licensed and the nachos rock. we have no growth barriers to overcome, the place only seats about 60. we had close to 60 our first week. we've met our growth goals for the year...

by canadian standards i have served in a successful church or two. for one brief window we were the fastest growing church around. we had national publicity, there were accolades, but it was passing. one monday i woke up to the realization that i needed a new binder, 'breaking the 1000 barrier'.
but i wasn't any happier.
for some reason i didn't feel successful - i simply started comparing myself to bigger churches. we had outgrown the mother church, it was time to take on the saskatoon church. all our goals became growth goals. i tried to be an executive and justified incredible church envy as a noble, godly enterprise. it drove me nuts that we weren't more famous, i coveted the success of other pastors and was quick to point out how easy they had it; they started on a college campus, they were in the inner city, they were in the suburbs, they were in the country. they were compromising, they didn't care about the poor, they didn't reach real non-christians, they had transfer growth, they were pretty-boy sellouts. they had more money.


i love the club. we have no money, no real sound system. no publicity. no denomination looking in. there are no articles and no accolades. no one is going to stop by to congratulate us. i won't be speaking at any church growth conferences. we don't care about numerical growth. there are no external goals to attain, no financial or egotistical benchmarks. i love the people who are there.

it's heaven.

it's club tonight.
after a lengthy hiatus i'm joining a small group of friends to hang out, play loud music, dance, drink fair trade coffee and find community. it's church for me, but it's not. and that's a good thing.
we've moved locations, cities actually. there are a lot of reasons why we have decided to come home. the main reason we did not want to back come to mission was because we did not want to send mixed messages to people who go to my last church. some people may misinterpret the move, but we've spent enough time soul seaching. it's time to get on with life.

people ask what the club is about. i tell them it's a mixture of coffee house, dance-bar, bar-bar, church community, rock venue, drop in. it's an entire evening. it's my church.

well not "my" church. like everyone else i don't get paid to be there. i'm not an ordained anything anymore. sure i will do some speaking and play in the band, but people don't tend to look to me for much else. at the end of the night we'll pack up the gear and head home. maybe the house was packed, maybe no one will show. it doesn't seem to matter as much anymore. i'm done with the numbers game, the church politics, the coddling of whiny parishioners and solo acts with axes to grind. i yearn for community. i was a pastor for 20 years and still i'm looking for community.

i love the few people i hang with. gone are the hundreds of well wishers and detractors, the shaking of hands, the professional service. gone are the lighting cues, the stage walk ons, gone are the board meetings and committees. they are probably valuable in their own right, but i've had my fill for a while.

i just want to rock.

As far as I know, John boldly claimed that he had been healed right up until the day the tumor killed him.
via

from wendy:
“Growing up I was taught that it was always the women’s fault. When someone was molested, raped, or whatever… she must have done something to provoke they guy into doing it. The idea that a man would have the ability to control himself was alien. At church this kind of attitude was reinforced by hearing guys say they couldn’t worship if a women at church looked “too hot” or something similarly stupid. When I got to college, I was told that and off the shoulder sweater that showed a bit of my one shoulder should not be worn as it turned on some of the other students. Again the idea was reinforced that men could not control themselves and it was my fault..

In college, the topics of sex, masturbation, and pornography was talked about openly but very little if any was talked about healthy interaction between men and women. Even if it was, it was undermined by the rules against how women should dress or rules against sweat pants just in case a guy got aroused (I am serious). Instead of talking about it, they just created rules against everything.”

men can be such pigs.

how easy it is to only concentrate on the american deaths...

from the new york times:

BAGHDAD, Oct. 10 — A team of American and Iraqi public health researchers has estimated that 600,000 civilians have died in violence across Iraq since the 2003 American invasion, the highest estimate ever for the toll of the war here.

A New Estimate of Civilian Deaths

The figure breaks down to about 15,000 violent deaths a month, a number that is quadruple the one for July given by Iraqi government hospitals and the morgue in Baghdad and published last month in a United Nations report in Iraq. That month was the highest for Iraqi civilian deaths since the American invasion.

But it is an estimate and not a precise count, and researchers acknowledged a margin of error that ranged from 426,369 to 793,663 deaths.

had coffee with an old friend this weekend (fair trade organic coffee not that tim hortons crap that sells itself as canadian but is owned by Wendy's) and spent 2 hours coming to grips with the fact that as people of integrity nothing is more needed than forgiveness. both of us were shocked by how easy it is to misinterpret the other's motives, how often we automatically assume the worst about each other.

we make assumptions about other people's motives, other people's spirituality. we tell ourselves lies to justify our subtle bitterness. we "know" the implicit motivations of others. we understand, better than they do, why they act in the foolish ways they do. we run to conclusions and shut out relationships, all because we cannot think objectively.

it took two hours to clear the air this weekend. two hours that should have been spent a year ago. assumptions and judgments needed to be exposed and killed. two hours to realize we had both been almost completely wrong on most accounts.

i left that meeting wondering about the people i love in life. wondering how often they judge my motivations wrongly and knowing that i often am too quick to draw the wrong conclusions myself. i realized again how limited our language is and how skewed our perceptions. we assume the worst. we believe people have changed. we know the score.

it's thanksgiving here in the great white north. time for everyone to put on their best face and find something to be thankful for. time for platitudes and pie.

i love thanksgiving. well to be honest i love turkey and pumpkin pie. i love sweet potatoes, well not really. i love the inch and a half of marshmallows i melt on the top. i usually skim off the orange crap.

it has been a number of years since i have been truly thankful. i have, i must admit, been head over heals in love with my sons and every year find that they are my greatest joy. some years i am thankful for my church or my job or my friends. but beneath the surface has been insane pain and bitterness, hidden by a smiling face and whipped cream. this year is different.

it has been a couple years of letting go. letting go of my expectations and broken dreams. letting go of disappointments and the lingering hurt of constantly disappointed people. learning to find hope and dreams.

this fall i have finally felt my stride. i have allowed myself to dream. my dreams are vastly different than they have been, but nonetheless i know the familiar surge of adrenaline. i know love and acceptance and maybe for the first time in my life i don't feel insecure or needy. i do, however, feel nostalgic. there are people and situations i still feel sentimental about. i fought off the urge to write sappy emails earlier today.

it's thanksgiving and i am truly thankful. thankful for a beautiful wife, phenomenal children, and a few friends who aren't surprised by my humanity. but mostly i am thankful for the pie. and the whipped cream.

i like turkey.

This Thanksgiving I wish you life. In your depths, in your love, in your wish to remove yourself from the pain of this moment of living, in your hopes. I wish you life. It will come.

christians are tacky

via signposts...
The following is a sample of the wealth of information you’ll find at TithingDebate.com:
You’ll discover that the tithing teachers are taking Malachi out of context. That Christians are not under the Mosaic law discussed in Malachi. That the term “storehouse” cannot equal the “local church”. That the pattern of the tithe being taught today (ten percent of your gross income per year) is not found anywhere in the New or Old Testament. That Abraham’s one off war-booty tithe did not establish an earlier law that somehow still applies to Christians today. Also, Jesus never instructed Christians to tithe, and the early church did not tithe, and apart from abstaining from blood and three other points the first council in Acts saw no other laws as required to burden the gentile church with (Acts 15:19-21), that’s right, tithing was not mentioned.
The abuses perpetrated in the name of this false doctrine are spiraling out of control. Comments questioning tithing by readers on tithing-teacher owned web sites are quickly deleted. Christian leaders are removing members from their church for questioning if tithing is true. A Christian asks his pastor to read a book on the subject, and the pastor shows him the bin where he will throw it. Christians are told that God will only bless them if they do tithe and He’ll curse them if they don’t. Giving is monitored and church members are punished if they don’t tithe. Tithing is added to the list of criteria for church leadership or even membership, despite not appearing in any such Biblical list. A well known New Zealand pastor tells the poor that if they have to choose between eating and giving to their church, then they should give to their church. A new Christian stopped going to her church because she couldn’t afford it. This madness has to stop. Tithing or the “tithing principle” for Christians today is a fabrication.

the internet monk addresses the emerging critics...

It is not insignificant that the leaders of the emerging church are missional thinkers, evangelists, missiologists and students of the church in other cultures. They have taken the perspectives course. They have been to OneDay. They know what the 10/40 Window is all about. They are aware of missions like few other generations of western Christians.

The Reformers did much that was right. They also failed at some key points. A fully articulated, cross-cultural missionary theology was one failure. That failure was repaired by later generations, but the idea that the church is to become comfortably allied with the dominant conservative culture remained. Today, thousands of dying churches are memorials to the influence the church once had in culture, but has no longer. Many of those churches have specifically said no, over and over, to making changes that could reach the culture. They are dying rather than embrace missionary principles that could save them.

Emerging churches have sent up the signal that the church is not the expression of a post-war boomer and greatest generation culture. They are ridiculed for “tattoos and piercings” in the congregation, but this is because many critics are invested more in the preservation of a cultural expression of the church than in a missional approach to the Gospel that goes with culture, and goes into sub and counter cultures. It is not a matter of “holiness,” as some blogs strangely assume, but a matter of Christ for all people and all cultures.

To blanketly criticize the emerging church is, honestly, to criticize thousands of missionaries who love and minister to people who will never find their way into the traditional church. It is often to criticize churches and church plants who are growing by true conversion growth rather than by sucking up Christians out of the suburbs into the megachurches. It is to criticize those who do what we commend missionaries for doing.

the rest here.

our sentimental, if not cheesy, powerpoint.
yup, she's with me...

thanks to caroline, you the bomb.

via jordon

Global Sludge Ends in Tragedy for Ivory Coast

This fall, with a group of like-minded people, I'm going to pull together a Sweat Shop Fashion Show in support of Fair Trade and Ethical Labour Practices in the Garment Industry. It will provide an opportunity to speak out against exploitation, to share information and for those involved in the production, a chance to build some valuable skills.

Lori heads up the effort here.
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watching the eagles accoustic concert with my son ben and don is singing forgiveness. the more i know, the less i understand, lessons i thought i've learned i have to learn again. and again.

there is so much overt forgiveness and so little real forgiveness. we carry the anger, we talk it out again and again and again and we make platitudes and posture and still let the past eat at us. eat at me. eat at you.

someday we will learn how to truly forgive. i hope that time will not be after it is too late. someday we will be free.

I got the call today, I didnt wanna hear
But I knew that it would come
An old, true friend of ours was talkin on the phone
She said youd found someone
And I thought of all the bad luck,
And the struggles we went through
And how I lost me and you lost you
What are these voices outside loves open door
Make us throw off our contentment
And beg for something more?
Im learning to live without you now
But I miss you sometimes
The more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought I knew, Im learning again
Ive been tryin to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thoughts seem to scatter
But I think its about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you dont love me anymore
These times are so uncertain
Theres a yearning undefined
And people filled with rage
We all need a little tenderness
How can love survive in such a graceless age?
The trust and self-assurance that lead to happiness
Theyre the very things - we kill I guess
Pride and competition
Cannot fill these empty arms
And the work I put between us
You know it doesnt keep me warm
Im learning to live without you now
But I miss you, baby
And the more I know, the less I understand
All the things I thought Id figured out
I have to learn again
Ive been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But everything changes
And my friends seem to scatter
But I think its about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you dont love me anymore
There are people in your life whove come and gone
They let you down you know they hurt your pride
You better put it all behind you baby; life goes on
You keep carryin that anger; itll eat you up inside, baby
Ive been trying to get down
To the heart of the matter
But my will gets weak
And my thought seem to scatter
But I think its about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you dont love me
Ive been tryin to get down
To the heart of the matter
Because the flesh will get weak
And the ashes will scatter
So Im thinkin about forgiveness
Forgiveness
Even if, even if you dont love me
Forgiveness
Forgiveness - baby
Forgiveness
Even if, you dont love me anymore