i took 3 weeks off work. there was a deviated septum to fix, a packed nose to wear around, a cabin at a lake. except for club, i took a break from my regular life.

i came back to work yesterday, to the human sewage, the ruined lives, the exploited children and abused, the sick and the depraved, the bottom 3% of society. i work in the most churched city in north america, arguably the planet; and yet day after day i am faced with the pain of our world. it is the underbelly that most do not see.

...it just keeps coming, with or without me. walking in the office yesterday, talking with social workers and friends, i tried to avoid clients for most of the day. gradually the system kicked in, my phone started to ring, there was pain in the voices and tears and anger.

i think i understand better, since getting a real job, why jesus would say, 'the poor are always with us'. no matter what i do, no matter what any of us does, there is an incessant sickness in our world that will not be fixed. it is impossible to stem the tide of abuse, of sexual promiscuity, of violence and violation. and with that realization comes the temptation to get discouraged, or give up, or become frustrated, to walk away and join the legions who have opted to look out for themselves, and themselves alone.

i had coffee with a kid today. she was a hurting, homeless, and desperately desperate beautiful young woman. and as i looked across the table, knowing how little i could truly offer, it occurred to me that, just for this one hour, i could choose to make a difference in one life, as pathetic as that might be.

i am reminded of campolo's story that, had he been a pastor of a church, would have earned him a pink slip and a soiled reputation. he speaks of how, on one occasion, he picked up three child prostitutes and took them to a hotel room. he saw the broken childhoods, the ruined hopes, the tainted humanity. He took the young ladies of the night and bought them an evening of innocence, renting cartoons and ordering chocolate sundaes. They slept in a nice room, unmolested and unafraid. it may not have made a difference in their life but it clearly made a difference for that night.

when i hear that story it usually strikes me that what he did would be highly frowned upon by the religious right. it was too dangerous, too close to the edge, and too open to innuendo and gossip. but tonight i am encouraged. encouraged that though we cannot make a huge difference in the lives of the huddled masses, we can buy moments of peace and hope for people who wonder if anyone cares.

i love my job today.

I was a real pastor for over 20 years. In that time I knew hundreds of good, gentle, safe people who were the ‘salt of the earth’. They were responsible, I could trust them implicitly.

I have known far fewer barbarians. They are not usually found in churches or in leadership, unless they are steering the ship. They don’t make good helpers. They are not very tolerant of committees and consensus. They often fall from grace in horrific fashion. They sin boldly, and live passionately. They start denominations but cannot run them. They win wars but need to be banished in peace time.

The purpose-driven life ---------- The Barbarian Way

"one size fits all" discipleship ---------- personalized ‘best fit’ discipleship

Bill Hybels/Rick Warren/John McArthur ---------- Churchill/Yaconelli

A few years back the denomination I was associated with to an informal survey of leadership types and found that a vast, vast majority of their leaders were middle temperament people - easy outgoing not outspoken, driven but not overly visionary, even keeled. They wondered why they had not attracted the entrepreneurs, the great leaders; but the statistics showed that they had created a culture that not only did not encourage the radical temperaments but had in fact build a culture hostile to those types of people. They said they wanted change agents, but sub-consciously they had made it virtually impossible for those types to feel valued and encouraged. To their credit they were more than willing to look at change, but the question begs to be asked, how can a nice organization become radical friendly? The two groups do not play well together. Barbarians tend to be messy, organizations thrive on order. Barbarians want chaos. They know how to sin, they know how to repent. Then they usually end the day by pissing a bunch of people off. They tend to believe they are right and everyone else is wrong.

The sad fact is that, as McManus has stated, so much of religion is about making better citizens, good neighbors, healthy marriages. We do not tend to incite revolutions or picket injustice. We want to feed the poor but we just don't know how. We would like to be involved in the community but we have little experience, too many committees and church meetings, and few ready made opportunities. We leave that to rock stars and Microsoft billionaires.

I'm not throwing stones. I'm frustrated with myself more than anyone.

more excerpts from "the barbarian way":

Barbarians are messy.
They have little patience for institutions and beurocracies, proper religious people think they are too uncivilized.

Barbarians aren’t about religion, they’re about the revolution.

When Christianity becomes just another religion - we build nice little institutions and expect everyone to become a good citizen.
I cannot believe that Jesus endured the agony of the Cross just to keep us in line. Jesus didn’t die on the cross to make us good citizens.
Maybe the greatest tragedy of our time is that such an overwhelming number of us who call Jesus our Lord have become domesticated… civilized.
We’ve lost the passion. We’ve lost the power of an untamed faith.
Maybe that’s what John was saying when he told the Church in
Ephesus that they had lost their first love.
The barbarian way is about love, intimacy, passion and sacrifice.
Barbarians love to live and live to love.

try this.... i'm sure some have

sorry i have been silent these past days. early last week i had surgery to correct my deviated septum and have been sleeping 16-18 hours a day to pass the time until i can have this 16 feet of gauze pulled out of my nose tomorrow morning.

now there is a visual image for ya.

if i would have known they had a surgery to stop being a deviant i would have had one years ago...

from biscotti:
"I wonder what paradigms would shift if we spent all our time trying to NOT do all the things that Jesus did not do ?

Seriously, Jesus did not ...

get a job, get a car, get a house, get a life, get a retirement portfolio, get settled, safe or sane. Jesus did not spend his energy on pleasing people or plotting on how to gain reputation or position. Jesus did not turn back, he did not give in, he did not hesitate to stop and serve the one that Holy Spirit placed in his daily path. Jesus did not believe any lies that Satan spoke and as the Son of God and a man, Jesus did not sin."

A provocative thought from the folks at 614 Charlotte

saturday nite at the club.
run largely by the youth.
a buffet.
2 girls sang "nine crimes".
a guest asked if he could sing and did an amazing job of jack johnson's "banana pancakes".
i threw a drunk out.
at one point he was yelling, "what do you do with a drunken sailor" and i told him to shut up from the front.
ashley talked about the struggles of being committed and 18.
we reviewed "evan almighty".
the band played 'our lady peace', 'collective soul', 'toby mac', the louder the better.

it was weird. it was wonderful. it was packed. it was church... for me.